Pussy Worship

Ends

2010-03-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

As you can see, we just don't take the time to write here that we would like to.

Of late, I'm feeling scattered and drained by things that are drifting on the perimeters, this blog being one of them. So I'm calling it good. We did a lot of learning and growing here, and now our travels take us elsewhere. I'm not sure where, but elsewhere, to be sure.

I'm going to leave the archives up for a bit, seems like people still stop by sometimes--I hope they find the information useful somehow. I know I had a hard time when we started out, finding like minded folks.

We ARE still alive though, and kicking, and exploring new avenues of D/s and life in general. If you care to keep in touch with us, you can find us both on FetLife. I expect, being a writer, that I'll use the feature there now and then to write my thoughts on being dominant and other things. I expect pet will too, if he feels the urge.

Thank you to anyone who stops by, and much love and luck on your own journey!

Us on Fetlife: Lady_Janon
Jose_Anon

Little Things

2009-09-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

The difference between a life of equality and the way we live, far as I can tell, is about mostly little things.

Unless you're talking about the sex, which is about big, painful smacky things. Heh.

How I'm different than a wife shows up in little ways. I expect to be put first. Not when you get to me. Not when you're finished with that thing you were doing. Not after you hang up the phone. Not after work, even, although I make allowances for it because I do like my house and the bills paid and such. But it is a choice I make, not you as my submissive.

Nothing makes me unhappier faster than an inattentive submissive. Or a thoughtless one.

That makes me sound terribly demanding, and I suppose I am, but it is a mental demand. I don't expect you to give up yourself, or even your desires, for me. I just expect me and mine to come first, that's all. I'm happy to allow any secondary interests that might arise. I'm even happy with a simple "hey, is it okay if I finish XYZ before I do what you ask?"

But if you don't ask, you can bet the answer will be "no, it wasn't okay." It's never okay to put me off without permission. I just don't roll well as second fiddle, not in my own house.

It is a simple enough rule. Just ask. Never err on the side of forgiveness. I give permission willingly and freely. I don't do well with forgiveness. And I never fucking forget. Sometimes I wish I did, but I don't.

I guess that turned out to be a big thing after all.

Laundry as Service

2009-08-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

My Lady hates doing the laundry. It is an endless job and there is never a point when there isn't something else we can wash in a basket somewhere. However, she likes spacing the laundry out through the day (since we are on a septic tank) and therefore ends up doing it herself quite often. So, for part of my service, when I am home for an extended period of time, I will do some laundry, but that's not service to her as such; that is just me doing some chores.

The service part comes in how I do the laundry. When I used to do some laundry, I would just throw my stuff in since I knew how to wash it and then call it a day, which left her with piles and baskets full of her clothes, and then the kids stuff and towels and sheets and whatnot. After a little of this I realized that this is not the way to go about laundry.

So I began to do at least 50/50 split on our clothes when I do laundry from our room, or I do general laundry like towels and sheets and kids' stuff. I also follow all her rules about laundry, like how things can stay in the dryer for a little while, but once out of the dryer they must promptly be put on hangers to avoid wrinkling. Also, she has a lot of hang-dry only clothing, which takes extra effort to do so I happily do those for her as often as I can. Also, when I put away the clothing into the closet, she has an order to how her clothes go on the bar, and I follow that to the letter as best I can. I also reserve all the fancy, cloth and wooden hangers for her shirts since her clothes are often made from slippery fabrics and are often put on the hanger wet so shoulder "nipples" can occur. I try to minimize that from happening. I also try to keep all the laundry in our room sorted into baskets.

Dishes as Service

2009-08-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

In our house, chores are chores and do not qualify as service to my Lady as they need to be done, regardless of D/s status. However, Catherine Gross said it well when she said "A protocol is anything that says 'This relationship is different.'" In this light chores can be service when they are done with submissive intent.

Example of the chore of dishes:
Begrudgingly unloading and loading the dishwasher with dishes that have been piling up in the sink for a day and a half.

Example of doing service:
Keep the sink clean and washed out for easy food preparation. Also, unload the dishwasher as soon as it is done so that any new dirty dishes can bypass the sink and go directly into the dishwasher. Make sure clean dishes are available for cooking and table setting for meals, or snacking and coffee. Do all this promptly and happily and excitedly (if possible, though that might be reaching a bit).

The rewards are numerous: clean dishes, easy cooking and washing, happy Mistress/Master, not-potentially-embarrassing house, no nasty smells from the sink, and another opportunity to express love through service!

Self Beautification as Service

2009-08-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a new series of posts on this blog (keyword: servicedefined) to explain the difference between doing something and doing something as service, to me. Naturally this is up for debate, and everyone is entitled to their own definition, but since this is our blog, here's our take.

Self-Beautification as Service -

Now that we've been together for more than a few years, the need to impress each other to win the other over is not really an issue. I could just as easily go on a date wearing what I wear to work (often a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts) and wouldn't look out of place around town except in the fanciest of restaurants. My Lady loves me no matter what I am wearing (if I'm wearing anything at all!) and in that, I find comfort and peace. So why dress up?

Dressing up has changed function over time. I am no longer a Peacock ruffling my feathers to attract a mate; I dress up to please her. I dress to impress so that she can walk around (with me at her side) and see people looking at us and think "yes, this is my well trained pet, isn't he gorgeous and aren't you jealous?"

I have to say that I do quite enjoy being treated like an object. Like a "typical" man loves a sports car and cares for it constantly and shows it off, I want to be her sports car. She cares for me constantly and it would be a disservice if I didn't take care of myself, wash myself, shave, maintain decent hair, brush my teeth, dress nicely and wear cologne on our dates. I especially hate wearing cologne because I am easily overwhelmed by strong scents, but she loves my cologne so I put it on for her and just seeing her come close to me to breathe is reward enough.

In these ways and probably some I've missed, self-beautification is service to me.

A Life of Service

2009-07-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been rediscovering the joy of serving. I had some issues with situational depression and such (unrelated to anything d/s), but now I'm getting my life back from the depths of apathy. My Lady is very wonderful and patient, and for that I cannot thank her enough.

When problems arise in life, the first place it shows up (at least for me) is in my sex life. I feel too tired and uninterested to do anything sexual or scene-related. On the off chance that something does manage to tickle my fancy while I'm hurting, I focus on that a lot to the detriment of everything else. So, needless to say, this causes conflict and makes my Lady feel as though she is not my #1 priority in life.

I've just about managed to turn that around, and whenever I'm with her, I try to impress upon her my need to serve. I jump to my feet when she wants water, I make sure the dishes are clean, the kids are taken care of, the trash is taken out, her feet are lotioned every night, and I tuck her into bed.

I have trained myself to feel awful when my Lady has to do chores that are typically mine, (which counter-intuitively) is a bad thing. When I feel awful, I get mopey and clingy, and that's no good for her, so now I'm retraining myself to only feel a little awful and not respond with "woe is me, do you still love me?" which is hard but so worth it. It also keeps me from letting more of my chores and acts of service slip.

Defining my Dominance, part IV

2009-07-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

Right Effort

Next on the much abused (by me) eightfold path is Right Effort. This is where the distinctions between the mental states start to become a bit muddy, but I'll do my best to make it clear.

Right Effort goes hand in hand with Right Action. Right Action has to do with doing things the way I like a submissive to do them--silly things that make me happy like the correct place to put my clothes or the correct way to make a bed. Right Effort, then, is the mental energy behind those actions.

As I see it, Right Effort means a submissive puts their mental energies in the places I think they should be. Less negative thinking, more focus on positivity and personal choice. They seek out help if they need it, strive toward self improvement and keep at the forefront of their minds how best to serve.

I like the idea of "effort," because it is certainly a struggle sometimes to maintain that submissive stance in mind and body. I have watched pet struggle when he just. doesn't. want. to do something I've requested. I'm never prouder than when I see him overcome the "I don't wannas" and put the Right Effort into our relationship.

Right Mindfulness

Right Mindfulness, for my purposes, means simply remaining aware of our evolving state as dominant and submissive. I expect a submissive to be willing to think about and discuss our relationship on a meta-level. I want to be able to hear what a submissive likes and does not like, what seems to be working, and yes, even criticisms of my dominance. I cannot expect a submissive to communicate without acknowledging that sometimes they will want to talk to me about my shortcomings. I do expect them to be mindful of their desires, their needs, and be able to express them (see Right Speech). An unexamined life, to crib from yet another wise soul, is not worth living.

Lastly, Right Concentration

Right concentration as it applies to me is the learning aspects of BDSM and D/s relationships. I expect a submissive to remain updated on events we might attend, current information or websites we might enjoy. I confess this is where pet falls short most often, given his busy schedule and privacy concerns. I do expect in the future he will be more involved with community online and off, to the benefit of both of us.

And I believe that concludes my dominance series. I'm gratified so many out there found it helpful, and I hope to explore more in the future.

Thoughts on a Comment

2009-07-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

I'm in and out, I know. But we're here, and we're on Fetlife often too. I try not to write about petty daily things and save my writings here for the stuff I want to focus on with more intent.

I got a comment (back in March, yikes), and I want to address it. The author is quite poetic, lol, I doubt my writing has ever been so lyrical...

In every great beauty there is a portion of strangeness...does it follow that great strangeness acquaints with great beauty? Isn't this the same circle that in turning to the ends of pleasure transitions brightly into pain, and back again? which is to say that submission acquaints to freedom, education to oppression, and bondage to travel. Right action is opposite action to achieve balance, takes two to tango.
Never seriously toyed with this kind of relationship, just minor bondage episodes both ways and feel ambidextrous--is that typical?

It took me a few moments to piece out what the person is asking here, but I get a question from it. I believe the person is asking whether it is normal/typical to crave both sides of that coin, perhaps at different times. Or perhaps, is it normal for a relationship to flow in and out of these states rather than being rigidly one top and one bottom and that is all.

My answer is yes. I think it is normal. It isn't ME very often, but it is pretty normal to see folks enjoy top and bottom, give and take, etc. I'm not much of a giver, as it turns out. I can intellectually grasp the concept of submission, even see the appeal, but I'm not keen on giving up power. However, when we're talking about the color of a long term relationship and life, then I would say I absolutely find myself outside my role, perhaps on the other side of it in the circular fashion the commenter describes.

An example: in October of 08 I became incapacitated by serious illness. I was couch-ridden for much of six weeks, and better but still needy after that for another month. I had doctor's appointments and more doctor's appointments to keep, and no way to transport myself there or even get from the car to the office without help. I needed pet to take care of everything from bills to family to decisions to bringing me food to eat while he was gone (there was a good 10 days I couldn't get up. at. all.)

In many ways, I became the dependent. I was incapable of running a household, making decisions, anything at all. He was forced to become dominant, keeping us all on track while I recovered. I gave up my power, I didn't like it and I still don't (I still am limited in some ways, and MAN does that piss me off.) But it was necessary.

But, you say, wasn't his role one of ultimate submission? Caring for me totally is nothing if not submissive. I think that is the point the commenter wanted to make--you can't live in one identity without room for others. Sometimes, things aren't as rigid as they seem.

In writing my series (yes I'm still writing it, sloooooooowly), it isn't so much to say "this is all there is for us." It is a way to explore the feelings I have swirling around, the strong desires and reactions I know but have trouble naming. In all things there is flexibility, and all things change. That is the first thing I learned about Buddhism--things always change. To assume they will remain static--whether they be roles or situations--is folly.

I'm interested to know what the commenter thinks, lol, too bad I'm so dang slow in reply. I'm thinking of everyone out there, and living this life, all the time.

Under Contract Again

2009-02-22T05:52:00.000-08:00

Our contract expires on new year's eve each year and is open for renegotiation at that point. Since October, we've had a lot of drama; medical stuff and extended family stuff, so in other words, life. Given all that was going on, I am grieving and have situational depression, and that does not a good sub make. My lovely mistress decided not to let me sign the contract until I was feeling and acting better.

We discussed at dinner a few days ago how these past months, we don't get each other; we're not on the same page. We both feel like we have no idea what the other person wants when they speak. She said "are you ready for our date tonight?" and I said yes, and then she said "Are you really ready?" to which I said yes, and started freaking out that she was going to do something or expect something and it was going to be weird or too intense or if I slip up or anything goes wrong, she'll be upset and never want to date with me again or some other super-dramatic extreme thought. Turns out she was just joking around and was just excited. I never picked up on it until she said that, and that caused so much craziness in me because I had no idea what she was saying.

More to the point, she feels like I am overburdened. I have assumed a lot of the responsibilities for the household chores for various reasons, in addition to working full time and taking care of the kids when I'm home, and it keeps me very busy. She now feels like if she asks me to do even one more thing on top of this, I'm going to throw my hands up in the air and walk out and declare her too needy and impossible to live with. I try to reassure her that I am not overburdened and I do get joy from service, and that nothing is permanent (another lesson from Buddha). That said, she can't really be dominant to me if she is afraid of telling me to do something. She says she hears the words I say, but she doesn't see the joy in my service, only the anger and frustration and worry I wear on my sleeve.

I have been hard to live with - we've been living in crisis mode for a while now. Things kept happening outside of our household that drew our attentions away, pretty much daily. My Lady felt like she couldn't make plans for the week since she had no idea what was going to happen. I hesitated to commit to anything for the same reason. It's been all pins and needles around here and not in a fun, kinky way. Couple that constant anxiety with my situational depression and I go bonkers. I am still happy to serve, but I am easily frustrated and angered and then I can't shake the bad mood.

The other day I got a small bill for a copay to a doctor's office after I called the doctor's office twice and the insurance company and they all said "no copay." When I called the insurance company again they said "I don't know who you talked to but of course there's a copay." I lost it. It isn't even a big deal, it's a tiny copay but I felt like the world was just closing in on me, like people lie to me and it's not just, and that's a big trigger for me. The end result is me stomping around, grumpy and mad at this little copay and some misunderstandings that I would usually laugh off and say "Heh, I figured there was a copay. Seemed too good to be true."

I was sour for a while after that, and when my lovely Lady rolled in to eat the lunch I had prepared for her, she naturally assumed that I was a raging lunatic because I made her lunch and she was a few minutes later than I expected and her food was a little cold and I was totally pissed off at her for slipping her schedule a little or something. At the point that I'm frustrated with something, it's hard to tell what it is directed at, and no matter how much I tell her it isn't her, it was this other thing that set me off, it doesn't matter. She has to deal with me in my bad mood and wonder/worry if it is about her, and that makes her withdraw, and then I get more upset because she is upset, and around we go for the rest of the day.

So as of late, I've been working on not being defensive, and letting things go as fast as possible to shake the bad mood. My ultimate goal is to not get triggered at all, to let it go before it hits and then I don't have to let the bad mood go because it will never have started. Bad moods are mutually exclusive from good service in our house.

Defining my Dominance part III

2009-02-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

4. Right Action
Right action refers to the way one uses his/her body and (duh) actions.

As it relates to being my submissive, one should behave with respect for self and others at all times. When I discussed "right view," I listed the guiding principles of my household and suggested that those be kept in mind when making any decision. Right action means following through with those guiding principles, making each action taken a reflection of one of them.

From the time pet arises in the morning to when he gets in bed at night (after kneeling beside the bed to say goodnight to me), his actions should reflect his submission to me. If he does the dishes, he does them in the way I've requested--everything from putting things away in the correct place to using the correct dish soap is important.

Right action, in effect, means doing things my way, not his.

This took me quite a while to embrace. I felt kind of stupid, in truth, being so micro-managy. I don't really care how things get done, except, in the end, I do care. I like things done my way--who doesn't? I realized a while back that by not defining these expectations, I was setting us both up for frustrations. When I go to get a piece of tupperware from a cabinet and they all fall on my head due to poor action, I feel irritated. When I feel irritated, even if I don't blame pet, pet suffers because I generally disappear behind a computer or something when I'm frustrated so as not to inflict random petty irritations on my family. He HATES that, would much rather do things like put dishes away correctly. If I define in advance the way things are done that keep me happy, pet stays happier too. I'm still not overjoyed to be so specific and detailed in my dominance, I had hoped to stay more vauge and general. But the more pet knows what I expect, the happier he is and the happier I am. Must be a quirk of either my particular submissive, or submissives in general. The more I am able to define the specifics of a task, the better he can serve me. In addition, when he does do things "my way," I feel truly served by a submissive, rather than feeling like my husband did the dishes. It is a small distinction, but an important one.

If someone puts dishes away at all, I'm happy. If someone puts dishes away the way I want them put away, I'm being served and that is a different happiness. I hope that is clear.

5. Right Livelihood
In Buddhist thought, this refers to how you chose to make a living, some jobs being off limits due to cruelty or other rules.

Here, this applies to my household only minimally but there are some important aspects. Submissives should maintain their positions at their jobs, or seek to improve/change them if they desire. Work should provide stimulation, financial support and joy to a person, but should not be the focus of his life. I don't expect anyone to serve me in a way that puts their job in jeopardy unless the job prevents him from putting family first. Some jobs do, pet's does not.

I really believe that it is worth going to school to procure employment that fufills a submissive (or anyone, really). Working a job that doesn't satisfy your needs is not good service, as everyone suffers when someone hates their job. Good service means self-care, and good self-care includes going to a place every day that is fun and interesting and makes enough money to live.

Defining my Dominance part II

2008-12-27T13:19:00.000-08:00

The first part, here, has all the explanations.

3. Right Speech
Right speech is about how we conduct ourselves through our communications.

As applies to our household, in particular I expect my submissive to tell the truth. This means, if pet does not have time to complete a task I require, he says so. It means that if I ask him what he is thinking, he tells me as clearly and as honestly as humanly possible. It means that if he is stressed, busy, frustrated, he expresses these emotions to me in a way that is respectful but clear.

And he had better never tell me he's "fine" when he's not, or that "nothing is wrong" when something clearly is. I prefer an "I don't know" to a denial of what I can clearly see in front of me.

This means that he expresses his desires to me. He expresses his joy in submission whenever he can, he expresses his sexual fantasies and other slutty type wants. He tells me what he likes, and he is careful about what he doesn't like, because trying to top me from the bottom is not acceptable. He must choose his words carefully when he wants and needs something (a good rule of thumb is to be on his knees, acting as submissive as possible when he's got a complaint--this goes a long way toward easing my irritation ;)

He uses manners, and respectful words. He respectfully asks for what he needs, and is always gracious and sweet. He tells me how he feels about me whenever the thought arises unless he's feeling non-positive things. That he sits with until he figures out what exactly he feels and then he brings it to me in a loving way (I'm not perfect, but he'd better have a really good understanding of why he's critical before he shoots his mouth). These things, in particular, he does naturally but I want to write it out anyway because it does me good to know what I expect so that I can recognize my own source of irritation when it is absent for whatever reason.

When I'm not around he does not speak ill of me (and I do the same, really what is there to gain from badmouthing your love?) He does not keep secrets from me, ever, his truth is my truth and he makes it clear to others that this is so (and again, I do the same. Why would you live a dishonest life with someone? What would I gain from being secretive?)

He maintains daily contact with me via phone, email and texts when we're not together. He checks in just to say he's around, he's okay, he saw a funny thing. Maintaining frequent communication helps keep lines open and everyone in the loop. He is allowed privacy when it comes to friend to friend communication (everyone needs a place where their dominant is NOT, heh).

Right speech is an important one when your dominant is both a person who works with people and a writer. Unlucky for pet, who isn't always the best with his words. He's learned, and he continues to learn and grow as we both do.

Submission Past Death

2008-12-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

I heard someone talking about submission to an owner past the dominant's death, and I like that idea. To serve someone past death is not altogether unlike serving them in life. (I should point out that my mistress is not dead, we were just exploring the concept.) I serve my mistress by being a good person in the world, by taking care of myself, by being mindful of my thoughts and actions, and by making sure the things that are important to her are attended to. As I said, not altogether unlike serving her while she is alive.

There are some things that are chores, and some things that are purely "acts of submission," but I do think that everything I do serves my mistress. For clarity - when I paint my Lady's toenails, that is more an "act of submission" and when I do the dishes, that is more of a "chore." What I mean by "everything" is that I make a conscious decision to serve my mistress every moment. At any time I can simply choose to not serve her, "turning off submission" so to say, but that is not how I choose to live my life. I mean that at any time, I can choose to eat a bunch of junk food, which is probably bad for my body and might make me ill, and then I am not available to do chores or paint toenails or make coffee or whatnot. So, making the choice every moment to serve is very important to me. It is also very obvious to her at any point when I choose not to serve for whatever reason at the time.

Defining my Dominance

2008-12-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

We review and rewrite our contract every year on New Year's Eve. It has become our check in time, a once a year chance for pet to regain equal status and decide whether he wants to continue in service to me or not. One of the things I've not done before is define what it is that I want for my household. I've decided to attempt some exploratory writing on the subject, see what comes up, in preparation for the rewrite. I expect this year's rewrite to be more in depth than in past years.

I'm going to start with the tenets of the Noble Eightfold Path, and see how they apply to my D/s style household. Obviously, I'm going to stray pretty far from Buddhist teachings in the process :) I'm hoping to develop a kind of mission statement for my self and pet out of these writings.

1. Right View

Right View as it applies to Buddhism has to do with being aware of the basic ideas of Buddhist thought. It has to do with learning the precepts and then sort of "meta learning" them so that you rise above any dogmatic approach. You learn things such as the true nature of life and death, karma, suffering, etc. Right view means having knowledge, but only as a starting off point and remembering to remain flexible and fluid.

In my household there are certain rules by which pet must abide. They include but are not limited to:

1. Tell me what I need to know to run my house.
2. Care for my property--physically, spiritually, emotionally (includes keeping doctors appointments and self-care rituals, practicing self-acceptance and honesty).
3. Anticipate my needs but do not assume you know everything.
4. I have the last word in all things, I make decisions and you abide.
5. Total, brutal self-honesty at all times

Obviously these are general principles of conduct. There are many more specific tasks that pet does as part of service, but these, in theory, should color his every decision and every movement throughout the world. There is no punishment as such if he disobeys these rules, but when he does disobey them, my ability and willingness to dominate him becomes limited. I suppose this works as punishment enough.

Right View as I apply it to my own house is that he would keep these five principles in his mind, and strive as much as humanly possible to maintain that view, my view of life. As I said, the adherence to these rules starts as dogmatic but becomes something much more fluid as practice deepens. What was once a forced situation becomes a more natural one, a more fluid one that can accept and release change. Right View is in the knowing what I'm looking for in a submissive.

2. Right Intention

In Buddhism, Right Intention is the active choice one makes to be different in the world. The link above defines it as the "commitment to ethical and mental self-improvement." Buddhists specifically intend three things: 1. renouncing desires, 2. good will, and 3. harmlessness. This is sort of the active phase of Right View. I understand the rules, and now I intend to act on them.

Right Intention applied to my house would take on a specific quality. My submissive should hold in his mind that submission is an active choice. Each task or life choice must be made with the intention of submission and service to/of me in mind. Right Intention for me means being strongly committed to the act of submission no matter what you are doing at the time. This is an energetic shift from a self-serving brain to an other-serving brain. Not an easy shift, I expect, to make.

And now this blog post is looooong enough. I hope to continue this exploration.

Product Review

2008-12-04T12:40:00.000-08:00

I have been very delayed in writing this due to a host of bad shit that happened this year, but the knowledge that I've delayed on a promise sits heavy on my mind. So, I'm fulfilling a late promise and sending out a big loud THANK YOU to the folks at CiciLoves

They sent me a toy, see, free of charge but for my review of the product. Not long after I agreed (happily!), our world fell apart quite a bit and is only now creeping back on track. We haven't played much at all--perhaps you can tell from our absence here--let alone been able to do a full product review.

So this is my first blush review. I have some more ideas of how to use this little product, see, so I want to give them a shot too. But here's what I have so far:

For a relatively inexpensive fee, the boys at CiciLoves will send you a nifty little device, a cushiony thing with a weird shape, and a nice big hole in the middle. A bit more dough will get you a vibrator--a nice "magic wand" style vibe that plugs in and delivers an even, no battery-running-out stimulation.

The idea is that you put your vibrator in the cushion's hole, and it is in place. As someone who has done some damage to her forearms with too much typing and various knitting/crochet related activities, this is a big deal. The magic wand, while lovely, is also frikkin' heavy. Hands-free masturbation is a wonderful benefit of the device.

I'm a bigger girl and the cushion fits me fine, and because we are who we are, we know it fits pet fine as well. Kneeling on the bed over the cushion is great, sex while using the cushion is greater! It is a lot of fun and adds a certain ease of clitoral stimulation often missing from male/female sex, especially when we fuck "doggy style" (I hate that term. But I love that position so very much.) Orgasms for all!

Some ways I would like to use this device that I haven't yet involve my fucking of pet, rather than the other way around. They thoughtfully sent me an attachment I haven't used, a dildo that fits on the head of the vibrator. I have an image of some cuffs, this cushion, this vibrator, and me sitting on the other side of the room watching pet squirm. I like the idea of being able to stimulate him from afar, even of tying his hands oh so close but not close enough to touch his cock while his ass is overvibrated until he is doing that cute girly screaming he does when you tickle him too much.

(srsly, that is adorable)

I should say my communication with them was divine, they are responsive to any questions on a personal level, and knowledgable as they claim. The cushion is well made if a bit on the "cheap fabric" side of things (but it's for fucking, it shouldn't be fancy anyway). I'm grateful to their patience with me and this review, and I imagine they will be as gracious with you as a consumer of the product.

I'm considering a quick webcam video of pet using the device as I described (complete with girly screaming!) Anyone interested?

Thank you, CiciLoves! You guys rock and I'd be a return customer any day.

My list of 100 things to do

2008-11-22T19:53:00.000-08:00

My mistress has given me a few jobs to do. The first involves making a costume for an event we go to annually, and as I'm the seamster (male form of seamstress?) of the house (I love sewing), I am totally excited about this. I've done some research on the outfit and I think I can pull it off pretty well.

My second job was to write 100 kinky or service things we can do. I didn't start this list right away so she has punished me by reducing the requirement to 75. So far I have 20.

Also, on a non-job note, I have a personal growth in service conference coming up to attend and I intend to blog any revelations I have there on this blog.

Also also, I really love fetlife. Hope to see you all there!

Ejacs 5, 6, and 7

2008-09-06T06:48:00.000-07:00

5. I was in the shower, and I often get myself hard to shave. My mistress likes her cock to be soft and smooth. I finished shaving and then I was one step away anyway so I went for it.

6. My mistress woke up at 3:30am and was feeling frisky, so she woke me up and used me for her pleasure. I used my hands to bring her to climax, keeping my right hand in her pussy and using my left hand on her nipples and arms and hair. When she came, she then offered me her pussy which I happily accepted.

7. I was feeling horny and I was all alone at home so I did a quick one in the bathroom before work.

Mistress and I have been talking about her dominance. She was listening to a podcast that kind of lays out some of the power struggles that can arise in a D/S relationship and the confidence it takes to make it work. My mistress feels she is not as confident as she would like, but is certainly wanting to get there.

I have a drive to understand things, and this has long been a point of contention in our D/S lifestyle - She often wants things from me and I want to know why. I don't want to refuse her, I just want to understand. She believes that whenever I say "why" I am questioning her authority. She also believes that whenever she humors me with her reasons (calling it "giving me a cookie"), it is that she is questioning her own authority, and that is not the way she wants to be as a dominant. It is also not the situation I want to put her in as a submissive.

So, our tasks lately are for me to curb the "why" and just go with what she says and live with the uncomfortable feeling of not understanding everything, and for her to not give me the cookie when I so desperately want it.

ejacs 3 and 4

2008-08-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

3: My mistress dreamed of being David Boreanaz's domme and when she awoke, came out into the kitchen to find me and drag me back into the bedroom. Once she had me naked, she pulled me onto her and used me until she came, which wasn't long given her steamy dream just before. She told me it felt good to take command right then and was very glad she did it, and that if we hadn't had some intercourse soon, she would have burst.

4. We went without any kind of play for several days, life being what it is with sick children and such, but once everyone was healthy and back in school again, I came home at lunch for a half day from work and we had a lovely lunch, and then went home to an empty house and hopped into bed. I got on my knees by the bed and cuddled with my mistress and then we both looked at the clock and knew we had little time before school was out so we got out the Hitachi magic wand and went to work. I stripped down but left my shoes on, which was an interesting experience for both of us. My mistress joked that we could probably never have sex in an elevator because I seem to have to get so naked to do it. I suggested I wear my kilt to alleviate the hassle of clothing removal and she agreed.

Sick and laid up - but ejaculation list start!

2008-08-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

So my mistress has been ill with a summer cold and I had a vasectomy, so we've both been out of it for a week. I think I've also caught the cold now, I'm not so enthused about that.

I am glad to say that I've tried out my bits and pieces twice since the surgery and they still work, though they are still in a bit of pain and mostly black and blue from the internal trauma. I have been living in my kilt, even going commando at work and slipping ice packs under there while at my desk. I am a bit of an exhibitionist, so it is a bit titillating to be so potentially exposed (though getting fired is not on my to-do list so I usually play it safe. I'm glad they don't have cameras in the bathrooms).

The doctor said I have to ejaculate at least 25 times and wait 2 months before returning with a sample to check for sperm and get the all-clear on protection-free intercourse. Granted my mistress still likes the feel of condoms and the clean-up is so much easier with a Trojan, we'll keep using them, but this frees us up for more passion-filled extemporaneous sex without worry of accidental pregnancy.

Since I have to ejaculate 25 times, I decided to keep track of them here and share the juicier details.

ejac 1: Three days after surgery. My mistress was feeling horny and wanted an orgasm, so she invited me in to bed began to vibrate while I kissed her and touched her. I was still mostly immobile at this point so I couldn't help much, but I did get turned on watching her pleasure herself. She really wanted to know if I was able to orgasm and the Dr. said 3 days was enough rest before trying, so I masturbated myself to climax when she finished. Yes, contact with my testicles hurt, but the orgasm and ejaculation were just fine.

ejac 2: The day after that I was at work thinking about how my penis still functioned, and I was in a bit of pain and thought maybe an orgasm would send some love through my system, so I stole away to one of the private bathrooms and masturbated again.

More to come - I hope soon!

Communication is key

2008-07-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

I know I write a lot here about keeping communication lines open between partners - I feel it is really, really important. When we have issues or conflicts, it is often due to a lack of communication or a miscommunication. I write about the conflicts, but I don't write much about the ways communication works. Today I have two instances where communication landed us in the throws of passion.

1. I lay in bed talking about my fantasy du jour, and my mistress was excited by it and decided to do it. I orally stimulated her to climax, then she got on all fours and I proceeded to lick her ass and fuck her pussy until I was ready to orgasm, at which point I pulled out, buried my tongue beween her cheeks, and manually finished all over the side of the bed. It was quite pleasant for both of us, and it would not have happened had I not been telling my lady about my fantasy.

2. We woke up and I had a bad dream (the same bad dream I often have - where I am either with another woman on accident or falsely accused of being with another woman and I have to face my lady). My lady had had a sexy dream, and was quite horny from it. We cuddled for a bit and talked about our dreams, and then went on to make sweet, fast love (the proverbial quickie) since we had to get up and get the kids to school shortly. Without communicating our dreams and feelings, what would have normally just risen from bed and gone about our business, her horny and frustrated, me longing for her consoling touch.

Good communication doesn't always end in sex, but it certainly knocks down barriers to it all around.

Fetlife plug and pedicure routine

2008-07-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

Plug: http://fetlife.com is my new favorite place to surf! It is a kinky facebook.

Our big service routine is a weekly or bi-weekly pedicure. We have a recliner in our room in which she sits. I undress completely and then prepare a foot bath with hot water (using bath salts or scented oils). She soaks her feet for a few minutes while I round up the exfoliation tools and then I sit at her feet and scrub each foot individually until it is smooth. After that, I dry her feet and remove her nail polish carefully with a tissue and some non-acetone nail polish remover. I then trim her toenails, file them, and repaint them. I use this as a creative outlet for myself so my mistress lets me pick colors and do designs. When her toes are dry, I apply lotion to her feet to make sure they stay smooth. I apply lotion to her feet every night in bed too; it helps keep her feet from cracking too much between pedicures.

Hot wax play

2008-06-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

My mistress got out a bunch of candles in preparation for this scene we had a few nights ago. I put on Enigma (1) that has been poo-pooed by professional mistresses as overplayed for scene music but since we have never done it, we thought it was a good idea.

I lay naked, face down on the bed. My lady went over my back to with tweezers to make sure I didn't have any long hairs that could get pulled when removing the wax - she wanted to pull them herself first. My mistress lit several candles for ambiance and then extracted two long, thin candles for dripping. She worked slowly, covering my back with small drops of wax until she had gone through two of the candles.

In that time, I discovered how much more I can leave life-headspace and enter sub-headspace when she places her body parts on me to restrain me. I didn't really need restraining, I wasn't going anywhere or even really moving about or anything, but her physical contact and presence just had this powerful impact on me. I shared this information with her.

As she cleaned off my back when she was through, she had me masturbate. When I finished and she did as well, she took a few pictures of my red-spotted back and sent me off to the shower to finish cleaning up. All in all, a good time, and a nice revelation about my headspace and how her contact relates to it.

A long week of buildup to two intense days

2008-06-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

This week we decided we would have a play session on Friday night. We set up out-of-house babysitting and everything was looking fine when we had unforeseen issues with a friend of ours being alone and terribly ill. Long story short, we picked up our kids from babysitting after some conversation over dinner and coffee, and went home.

When we got there and got settled, my mistress confessed to me that she didn't feel like she could play. We had tried some of it before and eventually abandoned ship since our inexperience led to more problems than solutions. Check out our archives, we have gone back and forth on different issues, many lifestyle related, many sex related.

We believe we have the lifestyle part worked out. I am totally submissive to her and loving it, and as I grow confident in myself and my role and my place as her willing servant, she too grows confident and we noticed we barely have any conflicts anymore. It took a long time to work out. My lady told me she read another blog/post/something that called the first few years of a d/s relationship "The Hell Years." We definitely agree with that, working out all the little details of life with another person in a lifestyle where we have few to no role models is hard enough, and adding d/s in the mix makes it even more difficult.

Mixed in with that is her sadist side and my masochist side. She is far more comfortable with the sadist in her than in accepting the masochist in me. I am to blame for that, I was a whiny bitch about a lot of it and I didn't talk to her much about it. That breakdown in communication caused a lot of problems with it, and ultimately led to her feeling uncertain about my wishes to be beaten by her. Regardless of my words, my actions and lapses and techniques to keep her locked out of my mental processes involved in understanding a beating / play session did more damage than words could ever hope to repair.

The worst night of it all was when we lay, watching TV in bed and my back was exposed. She sat next to me and then in her fun, sadistic way, slapped it down on me. I screamed loud enough to wake the neighbors (and more importantly, the kids, which is a big no-no) and she shut down that night. We haven't played seriously since then. We have dragged our gear on vacations to let it sit packed in the corner of the room the whole time. We have opened the cabinet more than once only to close it up again.

Last night, my mistress, after a long conversation where I assured her that I am craving her physical nature, her beatings and pain and all she has to give; she went off to sleep only to wake up extra early, troubled by the whole situation. She felt she wanted to put that part of her away forever than risk hurting me and us. She told me that if she couldn't tell if I was a real masochist or just trying to make her happy, she didn't want to do it. I asked her what she needed to tell if I was; what would start the ball rolling on regaining her trust and embracing this part of our lives.

She said she wanted to beat me on the ass with the TV remote that halted our play before and I had to masturbate to climax while she did it. Not one to let such an opportunity for fun and a chance to start regaining her trust, I leaped to my knees and started stroking my cock with my hand. She played very briefly with my balls before starting to beat my ass like crazy with the remote. It took under a minute for me to reach climax, even after having orgasmed 4 times in the last 2 days.

I look forward eagerly to our next encounter and I am aware of my shortcomings last time around, so I should be able to heal those old wounds and I will be sure to follow our number 1 rule of d/s life - communicate! If you take nothing else away from this blog, take that. Communication between partners cannot be broken or stopped or things go to shit. 9/10 Of our recent problems are communication related.

New rule

2008-06-04T08:10:00.001-07:00

I like to see my mistress naked, and I get a few golden opportunities per day to do so; when she gets dressed in the morning and when she gets undressed for bed. I almost always get up before her, and she doesn't come get me when she gets up, she just goes into the closet and puts on her clothes so when I hear the light switch flip, I run for the bedroom!

Of course, she is a beautiful sight, clothed or not, and when I am finally able to be with her, I am very excited since I've been waiting all morning without her. Because of this, I tend to crowd her while she tries to put on pants and things. So the other day, my lady told me that from now on, if I am going to watch her dress in the morning, I am to wait outside the closet on my knees with my hands behind my back so that she can get dressed, and she gets to feel authoritative and not crowded and personal-space violated.

She likes this rule so much, she has extended it to other times, like if I am waiting for her to be done in the bathroom brushing her teeth or other situations as appropriate. I also like this rule a lot and often get hard while I wait for her.

Lovely Showers

2008-05-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a while I was able to shower with my lovely mistress. She is a sight to behold and amazing to touch, and I was blessed with the opportunity to clean her whole body. I start with her hair, and I wash it thoroughly and rinse, being careful to avoid getting soap or water in her eyes. I am sure to massage her scalp as well while I do it, to make it as pleasureful an experience as I can. I then check over her hair and find a spot that needs extra care so I wash that spot again until it is sparkling and clean.

Following the hair, I move to the front of her body. I lather up a loofah with lotion soap and proceed to clean her shoulders, arms, elbows, hands, and fingers. I move to her armpits and then through her torso, not spending too much time on her breasts since that is pleasureful to only me and rubbing anything abrasive across her nipples and areolae is cause for punishment, usually in the form of removing my privilege to wash her body and getting to finish the shower alone. I move down and go over her belly, careful to get the sensitive and ticklish spots on the first swipe of the loofah so as not to cause excessive discomfort.

She rotates now to face the water stream, and I work over her back and up to her shoulders. I sit down at this point and she turns again to face me, and then lifts her foot to the seat so that I can clean her legs and feet adequately. I do each leg this way, buttock to toe, and then I move into her most precious areas. I clean her anus with a soapy hand so as not to rub anything abrasive on it, and to make sure it is clean, and then I clean her pussy with nothing at all and let her do that since she has a special routine that it is better if I just don't try to replicate.

This time followed up with some lovely kisses on her nethers and some wet ans slippery cuddling in the shower stall, followed by a bit of resting on the bed talking since our short cleaning break was coming to a quick end.

Morning fun

2008-05-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

Since my lovely lady has been sick for a while, our bedroom encounters have been few and far between, but this week her illness finally lifted. One morning we both woke up and knew we were going to let the kids get themselves ready for school (or tear apart the house) while we made love. I got up and locked the door and we proceeded with our unspoken plan.

I started to touch, lick, nibble, massage, and stimulate her and she began to bite, scratch, and manhandle me. After spreading her wetness around and applying a condom, we grabbed the vibrator from under the bed and I penetrated her while she pushed the pulsing head into her sensitive spots. I placed her feet on my chest, on my face, and she even wrapped them around my back and pulled me in, achieving a very deep penetration that she controlled.

Thanks to regular practice, I was able to hold back my orgasm until well after she came, and afterwards we both cuddled for a few moments before checking the clock and heading out to do all the morning chores in half the time. Would we do it again? You bet.

sick and tired

2008-05-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

My Lady had an illness for almost two weeks. I have had ample opportunity to care for her and do things for her, so I've been a very happy subby hubby! Of course, she gets tired early and feels the worst in the morning, so our together time is cut shorter than usual.

Her feet are in bad shape since last weekend, she went out of town and walked a lot and that caused all kinds of cracks and blisters, so now I am working double time to soak them and scrub them and massage them and lotion them. I love "doing her feet" so very much, it is like home to me. I am a foot enthusiast and often incorporate her feet into our bedroom play. I like to kiss them, lick them, suck her toes (which she isn't too crazy about), and I like to rub them on my face, or push them into my chest while penetrating her. I like to sit on the ground in front of her and have her put her feet on my back, and I like to lay on the sofa and play with her feet while she lays with her outstretched legs on me. I love her feet!

Infectious bad moods

2008-04-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

When we spend time with people who are in bad moods (sometimes perpetually in a bad mood), it wears us down. I find that we can be frisky and playful with each other before we go to wherever we are going, and if someone there is pissy or belligerent or ornery or just in a bad mood, then one or both of us generally gets sucked in and by the time we get home, the frisky playfulness has long passed. Usually, it is replaced by the need to decompress a bit and even out, since the poisonous bad mood really affects us.

Once we start down that road, it gets worse, since the person who needs to be left alone breaks our routine and the other person ends up picking up the slack, thus doing double time on chores and child duties, which is exhausting enough as it is but doubly so by one's self. Then should the afflicted person shake their bad mood and return to the routine, the other person is wiped, probably frustrated, and possibly in a legitimate bad mood of their own. So the cycle continues until everyone has slept on it.

Granted, some things are obligatory and there's no avoiding them, but yesterday we were able to avoid them and that playful friskiness carried through and we found ourselves in the bedroom (not sleeping) before the night was through.

feeling really good to be clean

2008-04-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been really enjoying my service to Her. We've been working on some projects for around the house that are coming right along, lots of deep cleaning and de-cluttering (ditching stuff we had since before we got married and said "hey, we should ditch that stuff"). I'm a packrat, but I'm trying to break my store-it-forever ways, and my Lady is a great help. When she gives me a choice, I usually choose to save things, but when she gives me an order, I throw it out or donate it or sell it or craigslist it promptly, which is great for both of us.

It is really nice to be finally cutting back on our supply of crap. We spent a long time last week looking for an adaptor cable that we ended up buying a replacement for since we couldn't find it, and then a week later I found it under some other stuff as I was cleaning up. Keeping things neat and organized is becoming a real priority for Her and me too. The thing is that we've always wanted to be more minimalist in our house and really it's just me holding us back. I live with this constant doublethink where I both want to keep stuff and want to have only what I need.

But pleasing Her is my #1 priority (not on the rules chart, but you know what I mean) and when she says "it is time" then it is time. She has a loving, compassionate dominance about her that people who have never met her before pick up on. Living with her as her willing and loving submissive means I get to enjoy that dominance all the time, and it helps me to be a better person and better lover, as well as a better father and better submissive. I am so lucky!

Double down

2008-04-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Last week my lovely lady decided to up her pedicures to two per week. We always schedule one so she has nice looking toenail polish and decent exfoliation to avoid cracking and or buildup. I also lotion her feet nightly. As a result, she has lovely heels, balls, arches, and toes.
Lately, the weather has been so dry that she feels two soaking/rubbing/scrubbing/lotioning sessions are necessary to keep her feet feeling great. I happily oblige.

I get so turned on by her feet, touching them, smelling them, tasting them, pressing them into my face or when she pushes them onto other parts of me, how could I resist this extra opportunity to worship her body?

Last week we made love twice, both times involving oral sex on her, and I also gave her a full body massage which put her to sleep (a good thing).

Out of the Box

2008-03-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if we should have a disclaimer of some sort:

"Warning, this couple doesn't fit the stereotyped mold very well. Please leave your expectations at the virtual door."

Or something like that. If you took a picture of us being normal, I would not be wearing black leather and wielding a whip. Not that I don't ever do those things, but my normal outfit is more...normal. My favorite clothes to be dominant in are comfy and stretchy, not binding and digging into my flesh. Why should I suffer? Many of the dominants I have met feel the same way--why should I dress up for you? You're the sub, you wear the corset!

Same goes for our sex life. We are a 24/7 couple as we see it--there is no time in our lives in which I am not dominant and he is not submissive. Saying that does not mean that our sex life is always a certain way or another. I don't always climb on top, or demand pussy worship (hee), or beat him senseless (only sometimes bwah). There are times in which I perform oral sex on him (I mean, every dude should get a blow job on his birthday, imho), or any other thing he enjoys. I gain pleasure from his pleasure in bed, as much as he gains pleasure from mine. Sex is a beautifully mutual event, and I think I would feel diminished, boxed in, if I had to adhere to certain rules of dominance in every situation.

In conclusion, being dominant means doing what I want, not doing certain things that "dominants do." My life is mine to choose each moment, being dominant adds a dimension to that which I treasure and take great pleasure in. But that doesn't mean I fit into a box.

Also, I don't punish, as such. I find the concept far to close to parenting, which I do far too much of without having to add pet into the mix. But believe me, when I'm disappointed in him, he feels it. I guess you could call that punishment, of a much more painful degree than a swat on the ass.

Going Limp

2008-03-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

An unusual thing happened in bed the other day - while attempting to receive my celebratory oral sex, I went totally flaccid. After a little discussion, we figured out that it was because I felt really uncomfortable receiving something that is typically very selfish without giving anything, first or otherwise. Once we had that bit of information, I went erect again and after pleasuring her, was easily able to receive her gift to me.

Well oiled machines

2008-03-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

We are quite busy as always, but lately we've been working pretty well together. We get a lot done, and I really like the lack of guilt I feel for doing things. For a long time, I had trouble executing on orders because there were always things I could have been doing while I was doing the orders... That's cryptic. How about an example?

I say I'm going to clean up the yard, but in my head, I know that my Lady is trapped babysitting the kids while I do that, and she wants a break from them. So, I feel tremendous guilt while cleaning the yard, or I put off the yard cleaning, sometimes too long, or even indefinitely, and that's no good. Not cleaning the yard after I said I was is basically lying, to me for thinking I could do it, and to her for saying I could do it and then not, whatever the reason.

So, long story short, this kind of thing happened for a long couple years, and my Lady has grown really impatient with me for it, and I totally understand, but lately I've been coming to understand my limits better, and my Lady's desires. I've found that it is better to do the thing my Lady wants done, and the thing I said I would do is more important than the thing I think I should do. There's a lesson here, I am working really hard to make sure it sticks.

Rule Number Seven

2008-03-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

7. You are my houseboy. You will assume responsibility for the kids and your regular chores when you are home. That includes morning preparations, evening preparations, dishes, vacuuming, pet and childcare. You will not bitch if your wife chooses to help you. Consider her help a gift from your goddess. You will serve me by bringing me tea and coffee, meals or anything else I require.

You want to hear a secret? Mostly this is here for pet's benefit, because he likes to be the houseboy LOL. But this rule is for me, too. I can refer to this anytime I feel a twinge of guilt or a hesitation to make one more demand on pet's time. Because he signed this contract--he knew full well what he was accepting and promising when he did so. We discussed the changes and rules together at length, with his input being just as equal and important as my own. So I can remind myself when I'm feeling worried that this D/s thing is just not fair that, while I'm right it's not fair, it is exactly what we both want. A fair life wouldn't work for us.

Or, to see it in another light, we do live a fair life, we just take up different parts of the equation than most people do. We both get what we need (when it works) and we both feel loved and cherished. Isn't that what most people want out of a relationship? I'm quite glad to have one solitary space in the world where I can be truly myself without limits or expectations or conformity, and ALSO to have one person who totally gets me and loves me the way I am. He is truly a blessing from MY goddess :)

Getting older, trust

2008-03-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

I (Him) am having a landmark birthday soon, 30! Given that, I took a trip to the Dr. and brought with me a list of all the things that were ailing me. The Dr. confirmed, many of them are just because I am getting older.

I never used to take this kind of trip to the Dr, but I do it now because I want to be around and in good health so I can best serve my Lady. So now, against my desires to think I am a young, strapping, healthy and invincible submissive, I have to take some new meds and do some new therapeutic things to deal with my college injuries and general state of well-being.

My Lady has been working on her emotional health, working on feeling her feelings and being okay with them. If she is frustrated, she tries to just feel frustrated and not also feel guilty and paralyzed and mad for feeling frustrated or try to get things done even though she is frustrated with them. This isn't to say she shirks her responsibility, it is to say that she is working on trusting her inner self to tell her what she needs.

Trust plays an integral role in our lives, trust in ourselves and trust in each other. Historically we have had issues, and we have issues now, but we work through them in time. The best thing to increase trust around here is to demonstrate trustworthy behavior. In my case, I trust her to keep my and our best interests at heart when we work and play together since I cannot make decisions. For her, she has to trust that I am really okay with that, and that I want that, and that I mean what I say and want what I say I want.

working on moving forward

2008-02-29T10:39:00.000-08:00

This week was a tough one for me as I had a lot of trouble managing my stress levels but I think I have a handle on it now. I started making lists of things I need to remember and putting them in appropriate places, like by the door for stuff I need to remember to do before work. I am struggling a little with setting my boundaries at work and not letting the office be my domme anymore. In my mind I am not there anymore and in practice I am getting better.

I am also working on re-learning my lady's methods and meanings. For too long I have been just getting things done but only bare minimum patches and stuff, not really getting her meaning or her desires right. Now I am working on really understanding her and getting everything right, if not the first time then soon after.

I am also working on adding some thoughts to my process, like when I feel a lull in activity, I check my lady and see how she is doing and I try to get her something or do something for her that she would like. For instance, if she is writing and I am cleaning up, I will come run her feet for a minute.

Anyway, it is a slower process than either of us would like, but better in the long run so I am doing it.

Short Getaway

2008-02-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

We got the kids babysitting and left town for a night. We had a lovely dinner, saw a movie, and had some lovely heart-too-heart conversation about where our relationship stands and why. In spite of her cold, a ridiculously noisy hotel room and a tight schedule, we threw all that to the wind and spent all Saturday morning not doing the responsible thing and instead had a lovely little sexual encounter (the sex part of it didn't take long, I suppose you could look at the foreplay starting somewhere around 11pm the night before).

We brought (as usual) a black duffel bag filled with naughty toys and our usual scening gear. I had been wearing my slightly discrete "slave" bracelet all weekend (and as always, my ring symbolizing my submission), and for this encounter she did collar me.

Since she was feeling under the weather, I took the liberty of preparing things for the encounter that she often does, like I grabbed the inflatable butt plug and prepped it with a condom and lube and got it seated in my ass. Every so often I added a little air, and when it got to the point that it stayed in without me squeezing my cheeks together, I did a little dance for her and wagged the dongle around like a tail.

She was very wet and I had no trouble finger-fucking her while she vibrated herself with her favorite magic wand. After she came, I put on a condom and entered her, butt plug still happily residing in my ass. A short while later, I came as well, and when I come with a plug in my ass, I really feel the sphincter trying to close - it's a very different sensation on that side of my body, and always a little surprising when we do it.

The rest of the day was pretty laid back, we enjoyed our shopping and got back a little later than predicted, but infinitely happier.

Organization and flexibility

2008-02-15T06:59:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to keep order and get everything done, our weekly meetings schedule out the bulk the day, leaving only pre-6:30am and post-9pm available for deviation. A 5 minute slip is often resultant in dinner getting cold or no dinner at all. Even with this schedule, there are three factors that are daily monkey wrenches in our routines.

1. Work. My work and her work keep us separate, since when I work, she either works or is on kid duty, and when she works after I'm done working, I'm on kid duty. My work demands extra hours from time to time, and more often than not I'm pretty sure my boss wants me just to stick around with him just because it is good for business. I do find myself working late hours, usually starting at 9pm and going to really late, and this means we put any post 9pm activities away for not just that night, but the next night as well since I am usually very exhausted the next day and a tired sub is a bad sub, at least in my case.

2. Kids. Per the contract (rule 9), work and parenting come first, and the children are often the dommes of the house. Illness, excessive homework, messes, and stubbornness are things we combat a lot and that means our schedule is often shot. When assumptions are made about the schedule (like me being at work and the kids being at school) and then one or both children get sick, whatever she planned to do for that time slot is now either put off, rescheduled, or done because I came home to babysit. When homework keeps the kids up past 9, our time is shot again, and usually we're cracking the whip on one while the other plays and makes messes and demands attention.

3. Traffic. It's not such a big deal if it's just every so often, but driving as much as we do (across down 3-4 times a day with no cross-town highway), an accident or slowing of cars can add up to 15 minutes of sitting around waiting to go. Me getting home 15 minutes late can be the difference between 5 minutes early and 10 minutes late for her to her next scheduled thing, be it work or otherwise. We see some relief to this in the future, cutting our cross-town trips from 4 to 2 per day, but it's still several months off.

These three factors contribute to the bulk of our exhaustion and scheduling conflicts. Since before 6:30am is basically reserved for sleeping, that leaves us after 9pm given no other issues (exhaustion, kids still up, illness, or prior commitments) to take care of ourselves and each other. More often than not, 9pm comes around and we're barely able to stand anymore, and it's bed by 10. Sometimes we sleep on each other on the sofa in front of a TV looping the DVD splash screen because we slept through the end of the movie. We sometimes spend the time talking and catching up, and sometimes it's our designated free nights or pedicure nights, but it's really tough. Even still, we persevere, and while it may not be an ideal setup, it is what we feel we have to do to maintain our relationship, household, and general well-being.

Dominance is...

2008-02-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

Chilling on the couch working on the computer while pet cleans and prepares the house for guests.

Good times!

I often fantasize about a day when he can do the chores in a thong and collar and I can goad him on with the crop all day Saturday. Sadly, that day has not come yet, lol. Someday.

Our weekly schedule is working wonders for our household organization and our connection as domme and submissive. I know this because we got off track due to illness and everything went instantly into disarray.

I'm slowly coming to the realization that I have to maintain a tight control on things from the general to the specific for our lives to run smoothly. Luckily, having an organizational system helps us jump back on track even when we fall off.

Google calendars, two daily check ins, a weekly meeting, and the firm reminders that I'm the decision maker and he's the decision "doer" have gotten us right back on the horse (though it is the year of the rat).

How do you run your D/s households? Any tips to share?

Rule Number Six

2008-02-01T07:07:00.000-08:00

6. Be organized. You will keep track of our calendars as a family and remind me of appointments I need to keep. On weekends I will plan your time. If you have plans or appointments for weekends, make sure I know in advance.

Pet has a better memory than I do, and has more fancy technological toys to keep track of our family's schedule and budget so he does those things. Nothing causes us more stress than a disrupted schedule or a missed appointment, so we work hard to keep this in check.

A tool subs who do the organizing might be interested in is Google Calendar. We can share our calendars with each other so that if I add an appointment, he is aware of it immediately via his blackberry and email. We find that things are much more clear when we can both access our schedules. He also puts his work schedule in so I know when he's in a meeting or away from his desk. We also add our weekly meal plans there, so that if one of us is stuck in traffic or away from home the other knows what is for dinner at the touch of a button.

Any organization and destressing we can do adds to our chosen lifestyle because we have more time for service and dominance.

Domme not Mom

2008-01-27T07:26:00.000-08:00

I want to talk about the difference between dominating someone and parenting them. The difference is subtle, slight and in some cases I've read basically non-existent.

There are some who thrive on parenting another adult, but I'm not one. I am not turned on or attracted to a person who cannot thrive on their own. I don't want to be depended upon for anything, any more than I want to depend on anyone for anything. Of course, once you join your life with someone (or someone-s), you do become dependent, or rather at the very least symbiotic in your dealings. It is the way life goes.

That said, if you watched us from the outside, as I'm sure many of our RL friends and family do, we seem to be that couple. The one where the wife tells her husband what to wear and how to act and who to be without hesitation. I look, on the outside, like a mom to him and that is just ugly. I know we get judged for that, but eh, fuck 'em.

The difference between how we are perceived and how we truly are is that I don't tell him those things "for his own good" or "because he can be a better man if." Pet is a wonderful man, was the second we met and will be whether I'm around or not. The heart of our arrangement is even more selfish. I tell him what to do because it pleases me, and he does what I say because it pleases him to please me.

A true symbiosis, if an unusual one.

It so happens that it pleases me that pet is happy, healthy and well cared for. It pleases me that he is sweet and romantic and focused on me which means a lot of his needs must be met. It might not have meant that, and we might have a very different looking life, but as long as it is consensual, that is how we want to live. Both of us.

When I make him eat broccoli, it is with a very different flavor than when I make a child eat broccoli. The kid needs to learn good eating habits. Pet needs to stick around so I can spend more time with him. I'm not trying to better pet, my actions are purely selfish here. When I make sure pet has his needs met, it is so that he can be a better submissive. Symbiosis.

I don't have the energy or desire to parent one more individual in the world, I have enough on my plate. I work very hard to distinguish the two, because if I feel too momish too often, I get depressed and overwhelmed. I battle the feelings of selfish entitlement that I get when I domme, because it feels wrong. It is societally unacceptable to feel and think the way I often do. But I've always felt that way, ever since I can remember. It is hard to have a nature that is contrary to what you were taught was "right." But what I try to remember is, as long as the folks around me consent, even revel in what I am, then there isn't anything wrong but judgment from outsiders. Consent makes all the difference, and is the difference between parenting a child who cannot consent and dominating an adult who can.

Adding some D/S elements to our lives

2008-01-19T07:01:00.000-08:00

We have been trying to work in some play during other tasks in our schedule lately, and it is fun! I thought I would highlight a few recent ones.

* We're trying out a credit-based chore system on the kids which assigns points for chores. While I am happy to do the chores for the satisfaction of a job well done, I threw myself in the mix with that and I just accumulate points. My Lady then assigns a point value to things the kids want
and then they can trade out for them, and so she does the same for me. Lately, I've been trading my points in for picking out lingerie for her to wear for a little while in the evening once a week. She gives me things to wear too, and there is no point value associated with those items, she just does it because she is My Lady, and that makes me happy.

* I forgot to leave My Lady's coffee in the fridge one morning. When she discovered it, she asked what the punishment should be (and I didn't reply "I'll get back to you"). I told her I would make her an icy cold blended coffee drink later (because I'm always at work, it would seem) and put it in a glass cup and she could use my back for a cup-holder. The long and short of what happened was that it was (un)pleasantly cold as expected but even at my most determined, I am just too unstable to be a cupholder, cold or not. She had fun just pushing the glass into my ribs and holding it on my back though, so all was not lost.

Thoughts on Punishment

2008-01-18T14:31:00.000-08:00

Mystress asks:

"what the consequences are for your pet when he does not follow them?"

Good question.

Uh, I'm supposing "I'll get back to you" isn't an acceptable answer, LOL. The truth is I have no real idea. I have some things I do know, though.

1. I don't want to be anyone's mom. At least, not anyone else's and certainly not pet's. Not my kink.

2. I don't want to be disobeyed. Ever.

The rules we set up are not, like, a set of rules that he is free to break with known consequences. I'm not going to pull him over and write him a ticket if I catch him speeding, for example, like the cops will to all of us. The rules we set up are mutually agreed upon unbreakable guidelines for our life. I don't get to enact a consequence, because he doesn't break the rules. Neither do I, for that matter, because I have my part in them as well (i.e., when the rules say I have his best interest at heart, I better well fucking maintain that.)

That said, what does happen when the terms of the contract are not met? I don't know, we've never gotten that far. If pet isn't abiding by the contract, either the contract is flawed or his submission has been removed. Either one requires more serious attention then a session with a paddle or whatever.

Now, for small things, the opportunity for playful discipline can be great! Example: he forgot my coffee a morning ago. Once I realized it, I gave him the opportunity to pick his own poison which he did in the form of cold coffee on his bare back. But this wasn't punishment, see. This was fun for both of us. He is a masochist, if a reluctant one, and pain and pleasure and sensation of all types are generally a good experience (note I did not say pleasurable, but the whole pain/pleasure blah blah is for another post). I see the fun of being dominant in these little things--both the good choice and bad lead to a good time. BDSM is play, no matter what.

I guess that was the roundabout way to say I don't really "punish." But I'm interested to see how other folks approach the same ideas.

Rule Number Four

2008-01-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

4. You will take care of your looks and health. This includes but is not limited to:

Keeping a yearly physical and bi-yearly dental appointments
Shave regularly (once every other day or when I say so)
You know the hair deal. A haircut every three months or at my request.
A massage a minimum of every six months, preferably every three months with the haircut. You keep track of the schedule, I'll make it happen.
Scheduling one night of “you” time per week

This used to be a much more vague rule about self care, but pet has a tendency to neglect himself when he's stressed. Thus, the rules have become more directive. I've deleted several more identifying details, as well, including times and dates, etc.

The one thing I have not scheduled is sex/scene time. We are working toward a level of connection that would allow us to scene on a schedule, but for now we find we have to spend a lot of time being intimate before we can connect enough to scene. I hope to add this as this contract becomes more ingrained.

Rule Number Three

2008-01-11T15:24:00.000-08:00

Anticipate if you can, but don't push it. If you don't know, ask. Default to asking. No assumptions!

That seems obvious enough, but every time we think we nailed communication, it comes apart again. We have IM, email, phones, bluetooths...and we still manage to miss each other's points a lot.

And because I'm the domme, it's his job to ask. My prerogative ;)

Incidentally--if you have a D/s blog and you would like to trade links, let me know. A lot of my links are long gone, and many more have popped up that I am unaware of.

Rule Number Two

2008-01-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

2. Your wife has the last word. Be yourself. Give your opinion, feel free to make good points. When XXX is spoken, shut up and do what you're told. Trust her above all else, remember she has your best interests at heart.

XXX stands for a safeword, of sorts. We have a safeword, too, for BDSM bedroom play, and this is a different word. We've found, through trial and error, that pet reacts badly to certain requests. He often becomes argumentative and demanding--especially when he doesn't understand or agree. This isn't rocket science, most of us feel the same way. Except when you're talking 24/7 D/s or as close as you can get to that, we're not "most of us."

I get really irritated when he challenges my authoritay (Cartman-style), and he gets defensive and once again, we've totally left the D/s building. Because if I feel he's withdrawn consent, I stop, see. So he came up with the second safeword. This is MY safeword--my way to get him to quit arguing with me and do what he's told, my way of reminding him, in public or private, his chosen and cherished position in life. Truly, since we've set up the new safeword I've only used it once--I think it is a point of pride for him now, which works just fine for me ;)

We also did a little exercise over the summer that worked really well. Pet was having trouble trusting me to remember him in my decision making (despite, to his own admission, my NEVER having forgotten to take him into account). We put some mantras up on the closet door, things like "My lady always has my best interests at heart" and "My lady is not my mother," and the like. He read those ever day, and again it became a point of pride to keep those things in mind throughout the day. That really helped, too.

Rule Number One

2008-01-06T13:42:00.000-08:00

I'm going to put up some bits of our contract (minus the more personal and thus identifying factors). As always, your mileage may vary--I do not consider us experts or anything. In terms of the whole, we spent a weekend discussing what we thought worked and what needed improvement, and made changes based on that. I set up all the specifics and wrote the rules, but he is very much in agreement.

Read enough of my blog and you'll discover I'm not as much creative as a good thief. Our first rule comes originally (to me, anyhow) from Gabriel who as far as I know has long departed the blogosphere. I hope he and Kaylem are well.

Our first (of 10) contractual rules is this:
1. Tell me anything I need to know to make good decisions for our family. This includes but is not limited to:
Your work schedule.
Your current state of physical wellbeing, level of energy, emotional state
Anything you need.
Anything you want.
Our financial situation
Whatever chores you've done that day

Previously, this read only "Tell me anything I need to know..." I added the bullet points this year. Pet is often not good at being in touch with how he feels, especially if stress is becoming an issue. He lives to serve and please, which means he gets very busy and forgets to tend to himself. He just gets to a breaking point and then breaks, without any of us the wiser until it happens and the poor thing is a twitchy mess incapable of anything besides comatose TV watching. Service, obviously, is out the window, and everyone gets hurt and confused and upset. Easier way? Tell me how you're doing--that forces him to check in with HIMSELF as much as me, and be aware when things are getting too "whirly" on the inside.

He also has a hard time getting things for himself, despite working very hard to earn some fun. So he gets to tell me, so I can get it for him.

As for chores--both of us are doing many thousands of little things to keep the house running, and if he lets me know it gives me more of an opportunity for punishment and reward. Neither of which are disliked here at Temple PW.

I hope as this contract accompanies us forward, I can use these check in points to be more conscious of what pet needs, and what I need, and how he can fulfill my desires while still making sure he's cared for.

Returning to posting

2008-01-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since we posted, but that's been covered. What is new?

The contract has been revised, that's new.
The kids are older and more self-sufficient, that's good.
Our understanding of each other is growing, and that's great!

We had a rough patch the past several months/year. Our relationship was fine but the scenes were almost non-existent, sexual endeavors were few and far between, and more often than not we just lay comatose on the sofa for up to an hour after the kids went to bed.

We had lots of communication and assumption issues, which the new contract addresses. We communicate a lot more, have some scheduled check-ins, and have set up weekly planning meetings and such. We also set up things like pedicure and self-care nights, both of which I enjoy.

I am presently working on not working - or rather, leaving work at work so that when I am home, I can focus on what is really important, my lady (and the kids). The biggest complaint we both had of last year was how I worked and worked and worked and was just always operating in cover-my-ass-get-it-done mode. This made me really touchy and argumentative, neither of which are qualities my lady wants her submissive to be exhibiting.

There are some additional things that we are looking forward to this year. My job situation and the kids' school situation is changing to allow for more time available to us during the day and more predictable daily routines, both of which are good.

The hope here is that with diligence and effort to maintain open communication, we will have a better understanding of each other and thus an easier time transitioning from parents/workers/homemakers into lovers. As always, the blog is here to help chronicle what we try that works and what fails.

mobile post test

2008-01-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

Mistress wanted me to test a post from my mobile device so I am doing that presently. I do hope it works!

New year, new contract

2008-01-03T09:31:00.001-08:00

We've had a very vague contract in play for the last two years--really it was just a written set of rules including Gabriel's once-famous "tell me what I need to know to make good decisions." Other things like that, very open-ended so as not to put pressure on pet in any way.

Uh, oops.

Turns out, I think I did more harm than good to us that way. Especially in the last six months, things have been stressful for pet so I backed way off of my expectations and truly my own desires in order to let him handle his business in peace. Which wound up causing him a LOT more stress.

Uh, oops.

I think what I forgot was that pet is a submissive. DUH. He doesn't need freedom and space, he needs tightening down when he's stressed, literally and figuratively. But it is my nature to be kind as well as, you know, dominant. When I'm stressed, I want the demands on me to decrease not increase. But pet wants more specificity, more direction, more of everything to keep him on track when his mind is spinning.

So we're going to try it. I wrote out a more complex, much longer contract mainly concerned with specficity--but it still isn't probably what you would imagine...

He has to get regular haircuts and massages
He has to take one night a week off of service
We take one night a week to do my pedicure and other things that are service-related
I will schedule his household chores more specifically--especially on weekends
He still has to tell me what I need to know to make good decisions but now we have a weekly meeting to discuss such things

All this has room to grow and change, of course. We're flexible. But adding LESS flexibility seems to have reduced stress and increased connection. We'll see how it goes long term.
Much thanks for the support and advice--I'm taking notes :)

Six Months Later

2007-12-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I think--is anyone checking in here?

I miss writing here, truthfully I miss the community of folks who "get us," because there just aren't any people in our "RL" who understand WIITWD. Some of our friends know some things and are supportive, but it in a "don't ask don't tell" way, which is fine. I don't need to air my sexual and rather controversial life choices to anyone and everyone. I miss being able to say what I want to about D/s, though, out loud and proud. Actually, now that I've lost a lot of the readership here, I almost feel more comfortable talking about it. Heh. Like I'm talking to an invisible person who totally gets it and lets me air things out in a neutral way. Neat, I love the internet!

What happened when we broke off here was this: we found we have very little time for the sexual aspect of our lives. I think this has mostly hurt our intimacy, though never our love and respect for each other--that is always 110% there. We have two little ones, and less opportunity for babysitting than you would imagine considering we live in the same city as our family, but there you go. When they are babysat, it is often here at our house, thus leaving nowhere to go play grownup style. We have a dungeon in town, but neither of us are particularly interested in public displays--well, not that much of a public display, anyhow. He still wears my symbolic collar 24/7.

Pet's job has become insane--when he's not at work, he's stressed about it. I feel completely shunted off to one side, but not because of anything he does wrong. He supports us financially, and for that I am eternally grateful because it frees me up to be a better wife and mother and to focus on my own, sadly low wage career paths (at least for now, mwaha). His work has kind of become the domme in the living room--the one mistress we both bow to. The saddest thing, to me, is that he used to love work, and now it is the necessary but unpleasant thing that comes between our D/s lifestyle and us.

So, you take our wonderful but demanding children, add a well paying but very demanding job, no breaks, no time away that isn't carefully planned (we had one week away in August, and it did wonders but it took us four days to reconnect), and what comes out the other side is a frustrated and lonely submissive and a frustrated and withdrawn dominant. Because when I can't get what I really want from him, I quit asking for much of anything--I don't want him to feel overwhelmed and stressed by all my requests and demands on top of work and kid demands.

Now, NOW, I totally get why some folks never mix love and D/s. Because I love him, I have a really hard time dominating him. Despite that being the very thing we both want so much.

Maybe I should retitle the blog "how to make your domme complain without doing anything wrong," LOL. (no I do not capitalize "domme." I do not love myself that much.)

I badly, badly want a tutor. I want someone who has been there, done this who can guide me and teach me to be a domme in the midst of all this stress. I know in my soul that if I could figure out how to be a better domme, I could remove some of his frustration. I wonder if giving him more direction might actually help him feel more centered--he claims it would but I'm wary of giving him too much and making him resentful. He's not particularly good at telling me when he needs a break, he'll just go till he drops. And while I know and love him well, I can't always read minds and I don't want him thinking of my dominance as just "one more thing to do." I want some kind of instruction book--something that tells me how to be a good wife and dominant, how to balance work and family. Mostly what I see are retarded guides that tell me to limit his masturbation and be all bitch goddess. That doesn't really work here.

The reason we started this blog originally is that there was nothing really like it out there. I still think that is so--perhaps our situation is too unique to be found elsewhere--a domme who doesn't do the career ladder thing and a sub who is out of the home 9-12 hours a day. We are, as always, atypical.

The bottom line is that we're not giving up, we're still very much in love and our life is truly blessed. We're happy and healthy. Being powerless really doesn't work for me (hence the whole domme thing), and I want to take back some power but I can't quite figure out how. This is the state of our union--not so bad. We'll keep moving forward, see how things go.

We're here, sort of

2007-07-17T16:37:00.001-07:00

But not blogging at the moment. I'm burnt out and feeling like it is time to move on. Pet still enjoys being here, though, so we're trying to figure out some new ideas. Can't say for sure. He may be required to post from time to time in the future, so keep us on your readers.

In the mean time, here are two blogs I particularly love that seem to be similar to what we were trying to do here:

Destiny and Chance are lovely folks with a great sense of humor and play, and real life D/s that is to be admired.

and

Psyche and Cupid, newer on the journey and also full of good humor and fun.

You can reach us at my email addy (I will forward to pet if needed):
josephine_anonymous at yahoo.com

I'm looking now for community and scene ideas (due to my profession, I'm reluctant to get involved locally). If you have any thoughts, please feel free to send them my way.
Peace!

so far so good

2007-06-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

Since I've started masturbating more regularly, we've also been making love more often. One night, my Lady even jumped me in bed as we retired from the evening.

We also had a little back-hair removal session where my lady removes my back hair with a pair of tweezers. It's painful and overall very satisfying for both of us, plus I get a clean back which she likes, and I get to experience more sense-play, which I love.

Changing it up a little

2007-06-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

Lately we've found that we have been extra busy and that means we haven't had much time together. Our babysitting evaporated and other facets of our life have started making it harder to connect, and therefore harder to get the pre-love-making intimacy we need in order to get to any love-making, scening, or other play.

It had been a couple weeks since the our last sexual encounter, and my mistress has felt very bothered by the lack of sex. She also feels that prolonged time between sexual encounters doesn't help our cause any because of the ways our bodies work. This has been the subject of many posts of ours in the past, but to summarize: The longer we go between encounters, the hornier and more uncontrollable I get and the less inclined to have sex she gets.

So she decided to take action - giving me freedom to masturbate as desired. I feel this will curb my constant hounding, clinging, and grabbing of her between sexual encounters, and prolong sex when we do have it together. She isn't entirely sure what will happen with this, but she knows what we've been doing isn't working for her, and to keep doing it would only yield the same results.

So far, it's been two days that I've masturbated in the mornings (my choice, that way I'm charged up but not crazy and overbearing in the evenings). The first day, I did it and then that evening, I painted her toenails and massaged her feet. The next day (today) I did it in the shower to thoughts of me painting her toenails, and nothing else. In the past, for me to successfully masturbate, I had to at least think of something purely physically sexual in nature to reach orgasm, but now my range of sexual response has broadened to accept many other things as sexual.

I'll be sure to keep you posted with how this works out, it's a newish venture for us. I say newish because before we accepted a D/S lifestyle, I masturbated fairly regularly. I want to be a better lover for her, and she wants that too, and if she feels that this is something to try, then try it we shall.

Bruises

2007-05-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

Last week was a bruiser. My mistress went medieval on my back causing a lot of pain from both her strikes and the subsequent palm-sized blue spot I had for several days to come. We didn't have much contact after that for the rest of the week, we missed each other a lot and when we were together, it wasn't the right time/mood/anything for an encounter. Mix in some awkward extended family issues and we're set for a no-play week.

However, today we were cuddling in bed and my lovely lady started to make love to me passionately and aggressively. She had quite possibly the fastest orgasm to date, and following that, allowed me to fuck her while she was bent over the counter. After that, we cuddled a bit more and then went back to missing each other.

Spanking

2007-05-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am, once again, alone on the weekend. My loving mistress has flown out of town on an extended family errand and everyone else around is sick so I am hanging out at home nursing everyone back to health and hoping the vitamins I'm slamming keep me healthy through it all. I miss my Mistress so much, and it hasn't even been a day! Last night she extolled my cock (or her cock, as she likes to call it) and we had a very passionate quicky before crashing hard (early flight).

Strangely enough, I happened across a CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline) site. I quickly found that while we share nothing in common with religion and such, Leah Kelley (the blog author) and I have a lot in common when it comes to our love (and distaste) of kitchen implements as spanking tools.

http://blog.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/2006/10/30/silicone-spatulas-are-evil.aspx

I saw giant wooden spanking paddles (rough cut and unfinished) at Michaels. They look like tiny cricket bats, really. I wonder if we're going to have another craft project in the near future?

Plug and Play

2007-05-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my mistress was away but she gave me permission to play with myself to orgasm as long as I had a plug in my ass while I did it. I picked our purple plug which is always a good starter and aside from the missing bullet that used to inhabit the core, it is still a wonderful toy. A little lube, a condom, and I was ready to go.

I worked on flexing the controllable part of my anus to see what I could do. I already knew that if I flex like I'm trying to push something out, I actually open up a bit to let something in, so I did that a bit. I then went on to pushing it in with my hand, and then pushing it back out with my anus. Again, nothing special, but it feels really good. A little more play like that and I was hard. I tried to extend play a bit by rubbing my cock, and when it was getting close to orgasm, I would stop and play with the plug a bit. Even still, the whole event wasn't 20 minutes, but it felt really good.

A blog perk

2007-05-04T09:03:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, doing this blog leads to interesting places. Today, it leads to a book for me!

We're one of the last stops on Rachel Kramer Bussel's She's On Top virtual book tour.

I had a chance to read the book last month, and now I get to review it for Rachel. Lucky me!

She's On Top is a collection of short erotic stories featuring dominant women and submissive men. The stories range from historical to contemporary, light play to cutting.

I don't find a lot of erotic stories from the female dominant's point of view, so it was nice to read a book full of them. The stories were highly charged, featuring women using their sexual power in a variety of ways.

I particularly enjoyed the cutting story, "Mark of Ownership" by Teresa Noelle Roberts. While cutting isn't a personal fetish, the depth of emotional connection and true affection between participants is palpable. The story "Ottoman Empress" by Noelle Kelly also highlights the affection and respect a dominant has for her submissive. Even while using her husband as a piece of furniture, she is always in touch with his well being and arousal. This is the kind of D/s play I like to see, and the kind that gets me off. No complaints.

Some of the stories addressed kinks I don't have. I'm a sadist, not a bitch, and some of the stories in the book run toward the "domme as bitch" fantasy. I personally don't get off on intentional cruelty, but it can be a fetish for others. While the stories are written in the female's point of view, I think many of the stories might appeal more to the submissive man with a traditional punishment fantasy.

In that light, Bussel did a good job of choosing a range of stories from all sides of the D/s world. While every story in the book may not appeal, you're sure to find a tale or two you fancy.

You can buy this book through amazon.com or through Cleis Press.

Temporarily Lonely

2007-04-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

My Mistress is away for a few days and I am lonely without her. The kids keep me pretty exhausted so it's not too bad, and my Lady left me with a hickey on my shoulder that is still as purple as the day she gave it to me, about a week ago. No sleeveless shirts for me right now! I think that was part of her way of making sure I still feel her Dominating presence while she is out.

I sleep with her blanket and pillows, partly because it is really comfortable to have five pillows to arrange, but mostly because they smell ever so faintly of her body, something I treasure and worship. Only a few more days until she returns, I do so want to be with her again!

Letting Go

2007-04-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

Mistress and I discovered there is a responsible side to letting yourself go. This happened when I screamed after a particularly painful set of slaps on my back. It was very loud, and the kids were asleep and as soon as I had screamed from the pain of that last slap, my Lady shut down and refused to play with me anymore.

The long and short of it was this was irresponsible of me to let myself go so far as to potentially involve someone else (i.e. wake the kids). I was getting into the moment and letting myself go without thinking of the situation. My Lady said that in a dungeon or isolated hotel cabin or something, that would have been fine, maybe even expected, but in our house with the kids asleep, that is a big nono, and a hard limit for her.

Hard limits are important, and knowing what both yours and your partners are is even more important. My Lady was right to cut off play for the evening.

Hot Wax

2007-04-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

Loooong time readers might remember our first attempt at hot wax play--a candle that was made specifically as massage oil. That was very nice if not overly pain-filled.

Sometime between then and now, the candle went missing. We re-did our entire bedroom and closet, and it just got lost. So we settled for a plain white pillar candle last night, our first attempt at using actual "wax" for wax play. I've done the research and know that white wax is best, and the higher you hold the candle over someone's back, the less painful it will be. Not that it won't hurt, no no.

So I lit the candle (which, highly romantically, was lit for our "first time" ever, long ago). When the wax was melted, I went to town on pet's back (his chest is hairy, that is the wrong kind of pain, lol). What followed was intoxicating to participate in. Pet writhed and groaned but begged for more until I was coaxing more wax to melt faster. The mix of sensations--the hot wax, the rapid cool, the light breath I blew on the droplets--all proved sweetly arousing for him.

I had so much fun I was in my own little universe for the rest of the night. Don't let anyone tell you domme space doesn't exist, because it does, it totally does.

2007-04-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

I "red up" easily, which is good for my Mistress, who likes to see me red when she is "loving" me. Here's an example:

One good slap to my back and you can see a handprint. This was several minutes after I managed to dig out the camera and get it balanced to photograph myself.

New Ground

2007-03-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

Last night marks the first time I drew blood on pet.

It wasn't even a long scene, but I raised enough blood to the surface that when I went after him with my new toy, which is truly evil and lovely, I got blood, enough to make me stop and clean up since it was our first time and all. A picture of a similar object is here:

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/yhst-1003196819339_1940_35474587

It's a wire brush to keep ballroom dancing shoes scuffed up on the bottoms. What happens when sadists clean out their closets? Evil, that's what.

I felt a myriad of emotions, raw desire being in the forefront closely followed by worry. He's fine, btw, it was really nothing and left a pretty square of pinholes in his ass for me to admire.

He actually wanted more pain, and I'm really amazed at how far we've come since we started BDSM. He didn't complain or worry me about it, just said he could have done more if I wanted to. He also mentioned that digging my nails into his thigh doesn't prevent orgasm like it used to.
Anyway, it was a big moment for us, for me, to keep going in scene despite that kind of intensity (no more ass beating commenced, however, MY limit was reached). I'm proud of us.

Unblocked

2007-03-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

We were out of town last week, separately, which sucks.

But pet got 30 birthday crops last night *weg* and quite a few before he left as well.

Nothing, nothing gets me hotter than a red ass. Truly.

Blocked

2007-03-06T12:43:00.000-08:00

It's like...

Wanting to do all the things my wicked heart desires, but when I reach that moment of possibility I back down. Too afraid, too unsure of myself, too unsure of the reality of the situation.

I abhor this kind of feeling. I've lost control of my own control and it bugs the crap out of me. I'm a born domme, of that I have no question, but I do question my ability to take what I want and turn it into reality.

And I really fucking wish pet would keep his own anxiety to himself sometimes. As soon as his fears come out, I back down. When you love someone, the last thing you want to do is hurt them without consent. When he's asking to be hurt, then instantly balking when the opportunity arises, it leaves a big frustrated and confused knot in me. I can't deal with my own lack of self-acceptance and his at the same time. But I don't want him to stop talking to me--communication is so important.

Maybe I can deal with both, but dude, it is harder than I thought. Amazing after two years of this it only gets harder. More real, I imagine.

The toy cabinet

2007-03-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

We finally broke down and bought a toy cabinet. An eight foot tall toy cabinet, with drawers and hanging hooks.

Gotta love Ikea, LOL.

I'm very excited to get everything organized and neat, so that it is more easy to grab in a heated moment. I find I get sidetracked and off base when I have to search through a messy drawer for what I want.

I'm also happy to report that I've totally quit biting my nails. After about six months of diligent manicures and a few months of false nails on top, I've been able to get them fairly strong and healthy. Very nice for scratching, which is an easy BDSM activity that pet seems to eat up. I've left some lovely patterns on his back, and I particularly like grabbing tight onto his thighs during sex. I like the gasps of pain. Best habit I could have broken, really.

I hope to get pics of the cabinet up to share (our toy collection is sort of mish mash, but it works for us).

Just breaking the silence

2007-02-23T23:18:00.000-08:00

We're still here, I just wanted to say that we're alive and mostly well (colds and such ran rampant through our house too, yet another obstacle). We have been busy with life too; we've made love at some pretty random hours (like waking up from a sexy dream, then poking the other person until S/he wakes up, and then spending an hour cuddling or playing at sex, or waking up super early, or just trying to squeeze something in when we can). I've been in and out with travel and She's been in and out with all sorts of stuff, and we had company stay with us, so our time together is often limited and when we get an opportunity, we take it and don't really have time to set up a scene or much.

We did score a new toy from Rena's Leather which we'd like to try out when we do get some together time. We'll have to see how it compares to the homemade one we created a while ago. I'll be sure to report.

Hair Pulling

2007-02-17T07:04:00.000-08:00

We had a nice Valentine's dinner, complete with a group of very naughty gifts. I got pet a lovely leather harness with a built-in cock ring that he wore to dinner under his nice clothes (not to worry, it is just for show, nothing that could harm him after a few hours wear). He whined the whole time about the thing pulling his little hairs (to which I replied, well, then you should have shaved, LOL).

And I discovered the true joys of hair pulling. I've always been prone to getting a handful of pet's hair during sex, but I found that he enjoys it more than I thought, and that I can be much rougher than I thought. I found it to be a very erotic thrill when he squirmed underneath me--not pulling away exactly but definitely feeling some pain, and without all the fussing he usually does. Nice.

Two ships passing

2007-02-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

That pretty much describes us these past two weeks. I barely get to see my lovely mistress at all! She's been ill or working or I've been out working or any number of issues have come up and we just haven't really connected. I post this as she is out again tonight.

We've had some moments though, like this morning when I got out of the shower and she had just returned home. I just left my towel on the bed and cleaned up while she sat in a recliner and watched me. She always says she wants a naked houseboy to stay with her when she's ill. I do what I can.

Bruises

2007-02-02T06:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the person who emailed to compliment pet's story--I tell you, I write a lot but sometimes he just nails it. Brat.

I wanted to talk about bruises. Something in me loves, loves, loves to leave bruises on pet. I don't generally set out to leave marks on him, but when one appears as a result of our play, bonus! Welts are also lovely. I continue to be amazed at how much he can take, not being hardcore S and M folks.

I'm even starting to enjoy the hunt--when he squeals and whines and fusses and generally avoids what he knows he wants. It's taken me a while to accept the dichotomy of masochism, but now that I really understand it, I find myself excited by his reluctance.

If you had asked me when we started this blog if I liked causing my loved one pain, I'd have laughed. Now I can say I do enjoy it, especially when he comes to me, eyes shining, to show off his latest bruise.

A little sex scene I wrote to get out of my head and share.

2007-01-26T21:42:00.000-08:00

Gary and Brenda practically fell through the doorway into their apartment, keys

flying about as wildly as their hands and tongues.
"I want you to fuck me right this second" Brenda said between kisses. Gary was

already attempting to remove his black t-shirt while still cupping her breast with his free

hand.
"But what about..." Gary tried to say but was cut off by Brenda sticking her hand

into his mouth. "Chad? He's late, so his loss." Brenda said, a little impatiently, and

then added "How come I'm not wearing any panties and your dick still isn't in me?"
Gary needed only a second more to drop his pants to his ankles and lift Brenda up

onto his penis by her butt-cheeks. He kissed her neck as she pulled at his hair, all the

while sliding his hard penis into her wet pussy.
Brenda was wearing a red cami, a black leather mini-skirt, and a pair of black,

high-heeled, knee-high boots. She had short red hair and dark makeup. The resident evil

look was one of her favorites, especially when she went out clubbing with Gary and Chad.
Gary had tight black pants on, well, now his ankles, and some silk boxers with an

80's cartoon character on the crotch. His brown hair was long enough for brenda to get a

fist full but not yet long enough to get into his eyes.
His cock was hard, and had been hard for a while. Brenda had nearly caused three

accidents while "distracting" Gary as he drove them home. Now, finally inside her warmth,

he undulated as she moaned and scratched his naked back a bit. They were now pushing up

against the door when they heard some keys jingle outside.
"Chad's home!" Brenda said and pushed Gary back towards the sofa. She slid off his

shaft as she did this and moved to follow him just soon enough to avoid being hit by the

door swinging open behind her.
Chad came in and saw the two of them wet and aroused and said "Oh good! I thought I

might have missed it!" He threw his keys on the floor with the cockbuster video he had just

rented.
"Gary was fucking me until you got home and interrupted us, so now you'll have to

we-wet Gary's dick so he can resume fucking me where he left off." Brenda said as though

she had been giving them orders for years. "Yes my lady" Chad said in reply, and walked

over to the sofa where Gary now sat.
Brenda stepped over Gary's legs so she faced him, her pussy hovering over his cock.

Chad kneeled down so his face was even with her ass, and then leaned forward between her

legs and began to lick Gary's penis.
Chad liked to suck Gary's penis, he always had, and Brenda knew it. She was doing

him a little favor for making it home in time, and she knew he would be doubly aroused with

her pussy right there over him. Chad moved from side to side with his tongue, then slid up

to the tip and over, swallowing Gary's whole cock into his throat.
Brenda looked down at Gary's closed eyes and smiled. She squat down a bit to grind

her pussy on the back of Chad's head, pushing him onto Gary's cock a little longer than he

had intended. Gary sighed a happy sigh and Chad flicked his tongue a little on the head of

Gary's penis as he came up and off.
"That's enough" said Brenda, using her ass to usher Chad back out of the way. She

positioned her pussy back onto the head of Gary's penis and started to slide down slowly.

Chad watched from a few inches away and then proceded to dive back into the fray, sucking on

one of Gary's balls while Brenda rocked back and forth gently.
Chad moved from one ball to the other, covered each with his mouth and lapping at

them with his tongue. Gary shaved his groin, so this was always a pleasant experience.

Chad began to move up the small amount of Gary's exposed penis and into Brenda's ass.
He leaned forward and stuck his tongue into her rosebud which made her tighten up

her pussy and several other muscle groups and Gary gasped with pleasure. "Naughty

naughty..." Brenda said when she had relaxed a bit. "Since you like my ass so much, you had

better get it good and wet because it's all you're going to get tonight."
Chad smiled as much as he could smile, tongue still buried in her ass. He lapped

back and forth, up and down, trying to stimulate and wet as much as he could around her

balloon knot. Meanwhile, Gary was pinching Brenda's nipples with his hands as she dug her

nails into his chest.
Chad reached between the sofa cushions and pulled out a conveniently placed strip of

condoms. He slipped one out of the package and onto his finger. He pulled out a well

hidden bottle of lubricant as well, and squirted some on the condom. "Remember, two fingers

first or you'll be going to bed early." Brenda said between breaths.
Her ass was right in his face, and he gave it another wet kiss before wiggling his

finger into the hole he had so lavished with attention moments before. "Ugghhaaaaahh"

Brenda said, expressing both mild displeasure and relief as his finger slid in. Chad moved

his finger about inside her, and then started to move it in and out as well.
Before too long, he had adjusted the condom to cover two of his fingers, and began

working them into her ass now. He had applied a little more lube because a wet lady was a

happy lady. She worked with him, stretching her ass open as he slid his fingers in, pushing

on the inner wall of her pussy where he could feel Gary's cock riding about.
Gary was enjoying all the attention his cock was getting, and was now holding back

an orgasm. His penis throbbed with every little movement she or Chad made, and they were

moving quite a bit as Chad explored and loosened Brenda's backside.
"Enough of this, Chad, I'm ready. Both of you fuck me until you come, and if I

haven't come yet, keep fucking me until I do." Said Brenda. Chad put a new condom on his

penis and lubed it up, then worked it into her welcoming ass. Gary held very still, trying

to build up some resistance for one last push.
Chad was now fully in Brenda's ass, and was starting to move in and out when Gary

reached around to her back and pulled her to his chest. She rocked forward and Chad rocked

with her, now pitched forward on his toes and plunging deep into her ass while Gary moved

his hips up and down. Brenda started moaning, louder and louder, eyes closed tight as the

overwhelming sensation of getting double fucked sent surges of pleasure through her body.
"aaaaaAAAAAhI'mgonnacome!" Gary said as they established a little back and forth

rythym, with Gary entering her as Chad exited, and vice versa. "Me, ugh, too, ugh" replied

Chad. Brenda was unable to speak at the time, the endorphine rush through her body

prevented her from forming words so she said "aaannuuunnnauuunnnangg" with a pleasant tone.
Gary came into her pussy, filling it with his warm come. Chad, feeling the sudden

rise in temperature was also sent over the edge, and pulled out to send his come all over

her back and ass.
Brenda was not far behind, now covered in warm come inside and out, she moaned and

then shook as she orgasmed, flailing her body about while in the warm, wet embrace of her

two lovers.

Meandering Considerations

2007-01-26T15:24:00.000-08:00

Pet has done a beautiful job of adopting the role of submissive. I can't even believe, when I look back, how far he's come into his own in that role. You, oh persistent reader, wouldn't even know him from before all this. And he kneels so beautifully at my feet, just for a hug or a cuddle. He wonders why I walk around half wet all the time.

I hope to be as graceful a domme in time, really.

I know a lot of people read the blog who want what we have, and I understand how hard it can be to be one half of a couple wanting power exchange. Sometimes I forget people don't live this way, or at least love this way...I shocked quite a few at a critique group recently with a BDSM tale I penned, LOL. Cracked myself right up, considering how mild the BDSM portion really was (just flogging, after all, the dom in the story didn't even break out the crop!) Too funny how your focus gets shifted when you find like-minded folks--even in cyberspace.

I can't wait to give pet his Valentine's gifts. I went to Autumn, as always, because we love her service and prices, not to mention her amazingly sexy photos. I was like a kid in a candy store, went in for one thing and came out with three. I simply have no self control when purple leather is available to me.

That's all for now. More soon, from pet.

2007-01-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

Presently my mistress is in the bedroom masturbating while I am fetching her coffee. She woke up this morning and before even saying "good morning" or kissing me or anything, she grabbed my penis and started stroking it. She had it as hard as she could make it, and I was pleasuring her with my fingers when she instructed me to make a mental picture of what was happening and sent me out of the room. She said she wanted me to be thinking about her while I make her coffee, which I did, and still am. She's been in there a long time too, I have to wonder what else she's doing!

So long, so short

2007-01-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say a formal "farewell" to my friend Freya, who has gone on to bigger and better things. You will be missed in this corner of the world, I know.

As for me, pet has done a good job of chronicling all of our exploits. I can feel her, the real Domme, lurking beneath a surface, like a tiger behind a thin pane of glass. I just have to figure out how to break through. She paces back and forth, waiting, watching, wanting.

But the thin glass was a steel fortress months ago, so we've definitely come forward. And that is good.

double double

2007-01-09T06:40:00.000-08:00

The other day we were presented with a small window of time that was child free. We took this opportunity to head into the bedroom to take a nap. We lay down and talked for a while about this and that, and I worked my way in closer to her. I should also mention that she had just gone out and bought a short, plaid skirt and some fishnet pantyhose which she wore without any other underwear (this seemed odd and also really sexy to me, but maybe all pantyhose are intended to be underwear).

Back to the story. We lay in bed, and I worked my hands over her body a bit, and then down into her lap. It was pretty warm and a little wet already, so I continued massaging the area, rolling my fist and knuckles on the surface, shaking my palm, all things to which she responds very well.

After just a little more of this, she suggested I fuck her from behind while she is wearing that skirt. I heartily agreed, but first I had more important things to attend to, like penetrating her pussy with my fingers. I removed the pantyhose and began to spread her lips. I gave her clit a little kiss, then a little nudge with my nose, and then a little lick. She responds very well to this when she is aroused, and from her response, I can safely say she was very aroused. I licked some more and slid my middle finger into her pussy which was warm and slippery wet.

As I moved up and down, back and forth, always making the "come here" finger gesture, I kissed and played with her clit using my tongue. She was very pleased and began to stroke my rigidly hard penis with her bare foot. Usually I require some lubricant and a somewhat determined effort to create an orgasm, but just the sporadic touches of her foot on my penis sent me into an incredible orgasm which produced so much cum, I actually stopped to examine the pile on her foot several times, just because I still couldn't believe it.

Of course, immediately following her orgasm, the endorphins or other chemicals in my body reduced my will to stimulate her further, but as I have discovered in the past month or so, I've been able to maintain my horny, aroused state of mind past orgasm. In the past, I would orgasm, relax a minute, clean up, then either fall asleep or get up, renewed and energetic, and go do something else. My mind often wanders to whatever was my latest priority post-coitus. But lately, when I come, I don't fall asleep, I don't wander off mentally, and I don't lose my aroused mindset. She is still getting used to this, so when she saw the pile of come on her foot, she naturally assumed this session was over, and frustratingly sighed.

I ensured her that I was far from done, and she opened her legs wide, allowing me to finish what I started, fucking her with my fingers (first one, then two) and bringing her to orgasm while I talked dirty to her (something else I'm getting better at). She was quite pleased, but then reminded me that she still had not been taken from behind yet in that skirt.

She rolled over to present her glorious and sexy backside to me and I placed my cock, already hard again, into a condom and then into her pussy. I held her ass and the skirt to get more friction and leverage as I fucked her, rocking her back and forth on the bed. Her exclamations of "I'm coming!" were met with "Me too!" and then we both orgasmed at roughly the same time, achieving that satisfaction that comes with perfect timing and hard fucking.

We snuggled a bit after that and enjoyed the next minute and a half, when the baby woke up from a nap. She remarked that we had been playing and having sex for about an hour, twice our usual encounter length, which was nice as well.

Somewhat back!

2006-12-29T18:59:00.000-08:00

As She mentioned in a previous post, I got my ass kicked by a sinus infection. I have since been on an antibiotic and gotten steadily better, though I still have a nasty cough and my energy level is not what it was pre-illness yet. That aside, I'm back to post again.

The holidays were crazy, tons of people and obligations and it was just a big ordeal. Every night we tried to regroup a little and get cuddly with each other, which helped out. I had one little breakdown (I'm not sure what to call it, but it's an instance where something goes awry and I just can't deal and get weird about it, usually over something insignificant).

I was thinking today a little about how much I love my lady. I sometimes act contrary and snarky, but in reality, my desires to be with her and serve her wholly are rooted in me. I like to look at it from an outsider perspective for comparison to where I try to be with her.

Earlier in my life I dreamed about kissing the feet of my future partner, and waiting on them, and just loving them. I thought it was just a sign of desperation and that if any girl was kind enough to take me in, I would probably serve them all the time to keep them around (I didn't have good self esteem back then, obviously).

Now I am partnered up with the best woman in the world, and have been for several years, and yet those feelings of wanting to kiss her feet and serve her haven't gone away. In fact, I look on her with such gratitude and delight, I want to embrace her even more and spoil her rotten!

The inner turmoil this caused over the years is quite amazing, and while I have come a long way since then, I still have plenty of self-work to do and more things to learn and sort out, though it gets easier all the time. I love her so much, and she is so patient with me while I work things out, I am too, too lucky to have her.

Another recent instance of this is tickling. For years I've been content to touch her and cuddle her and stroke her. As of about a month ago, I started tickling her. I couldn't really explain why I started doing it and I couldn't really shut it off. My fingers just wandered that way. She got increasingly irritated by it and told me that when she is being tickled, she feels out of control and uncomfortable. I finally figured out today that I was attention seeking, as it is impossible for her to ignore that. Now that I think I have identified the cause, we'll see if my ability to recognize that feeling and redirect it to more appropriate attention-getting means works out.

Holidays

2006-12-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a lovely holiday, whatever one (or more!) you celebrate.

I got a crop in my stocking. And the Jay Wiseman book on bondage (holy cow, the knots alone are intimidating, but I am determined...). And the movie Secretary. Happy Lady. Actually, I should say that I didn't get those things in my stocking at all, but in the bedroom far away from the little ones' prying eyes. Hee.

Pet got a pillow for sitting at my feet.

Fifteen minutes of pet brushing my hair was really nice, this morning. Like a small amount of body worship, an island in a sea of opened presents ;)

Peace.

Kicking the shins of reluctance

2006-12-21T12:28:00.000-08:00

We are all sick, which means we are all crabby, lol. Actually, I'm on the mend and almost back to normal, yay!

After watching pet follow me around like, well, a little pet puppy dog, desperate for my attention, I finally managed to kick the shins of my reluctance long enough to have a nice session.

He sat while I soaked in a bath, keeping me company and generally mooning about, then we moved to the bedroom where we had a really enjoyable lovemaking session--I finally felt like my old self a bit, and managed to whack the hell out of pet's ass for a while before curling up in our heated bed to sleep.

Everything, for a change, felt right with the world. Of course, in the morning pet woke up with a sinus infection. Sigh.

Sometimes, being a good domme means knowing how to give the "have hot tea and take a nap" orders. Heh.

**Thanks to everyone for your supportive comments! I have no plans to stop blogging, and I appreciate that I'm not driving anyone but myself to distraction ;) I love this community!

Just read a post on my lady's orders

2006-12-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

I just read Chance's post "mistress hated my title and so now I don't have one" which was quite insightful. I believe we relate very well to the whole "wanting the bigger picture" concept and sometimes getting caught up in the minutia.

For quite some time we haven't had any long discussions about "is this really what we want" or "can we actually do this" or things like that with regards to living a D/s lifestyle. Points of contention lately have been minor things like chronic evening fatigue, shaking off bad vibes from dealing with extended family, or me being an ass when I am sick or snarky when I am healthy and she's feeling dominant. All of these things are slightly problematic in the moment, but there are no questions about who is in charge or power struggles or anything of that nature.

It took years to get here, and we're both comfortable with our positions now, and the only challenges we face are those we take on, like her being more dominant and me being more submissive, trying kinkier sexual acts, more sadism, more restraint, and the ever-present challenge of finding more time to do all these things.

On another note, we discovered that if I rub her shoulders from the front instead of the back, she does not writhe in pain from the rub, but actually feels some relief. We discovered this in the shower as I washed her (something she lets me do from time to time).

Talking "Smack"

2006-12-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

While I mistress was playing a video game, I started making all kinds of snarky comments (smack-talking, as it is often called). When she came to a resting point in the game, she jumped up from her chair and dragged me into the kitchen by the shirt. She then pulled out a spatula and wailed on my ass, giving me 8 strokes before returning to her game. We do this a lot. Sometimes she likes it when I give her a reason to beat me, and sometimes she doesn't need a reason.

Hm

2006-12-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

I've run out of new things to say here.

I'm not ready to kill the blog, I've found a lot of benefit from it. I worry I've become too repetitive in recent months to be worth much to others.

To wit:

I struggle. I struggle with enacting the firm hand we both want for our relationship and our bedroom. I find myself shutting down even when the opportunity presents itself--which it doesn't often, as you all know. I know this is fear, I know exactly what is causing the problem, yet I'm at the wall. I have no idea how to change this internal shut down process.

I've employed pet's help--he's been assigned to be more forward, for a while, about sexual activities, rather than sitting back and letting me decide.

No, that's not right.

I've asked him to wait for me in bed, spanking tools laid out, naked. I've asked him to get out the restraints and ask me to use them. I've asked him to present himself for whatever play we've BOTH wanted but I've been unable or unwilling (though, not consciously), to enact myself.

I realize this is a stepping back of power exchange. I don't particularly like it, even. But I think it is what will get me over that wall, or through it, and into the kind of Domme I dream of being. I'm not really a big fan of this idea, but I've gotten help with it and this is what was recommended. I'll try anything once, I'm kinky after all.

Anyhow, for now we're not going anywhere. I don't want to shut down anything yet. I just hope this doesn't get to be one of those blogs where we talk a lot and say nothing new.

Bad Weekend going on better week

2006-12-12T07:30:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I was recovering from an illness, and as always, when I am sick, I'm a dick, and I won't admit it. It's almost comical now but when I'm in the middle of it, nothing could be more real. I've made a mental note to recognize this in the future when I'm sick, and at least come out and say that, and then go kick it in the bedroom away from her so as not to defy her constantly and dickishly.

Anyway, I got better, and then she got sick, and has been sore for a while anyway, so I putter about attempting to make her feel better to little avail. It's been a pretty laid back week so far, much better than the weekend which had other drama as well, not drama we made but drama that we chose to subject ourselves to. So yeah, it's hard to not be better after that.

My daily routine now includes more hot tea on demand and getting the heating pad and pillows and blankets out on demand. I try to do backrubs, but as her meme states, she hates them and I'm a bit rough when I give rubs too. But we're moving along and cuddling a lot, which is nice.

The Toddler Year(s)

2006-12-09T05:15:00.000-08:00

Last night it finally sank in - our littlest child is no a toddler. He will not be content to just sit in the high chair or stroller anymore when we go out, he must be part of the action. This is wonderful for us, but also somewhat paralyzing of our social life, and especially paralyzing of our kinky life. We are more seriously discussing finding more babysitters.

We face the dilemma too now of me being out all day and wanting to spend time at home, and her being in much of the day and wanting to go out. Since the toddler cast his vote to stay home, we came to the compromise that I would clean everything up and go out to get the food and the dinner so she could get a break from trying to clean up after two children who pull stuff off the shelves as she puts it on there.

Last night (Friday night, our usual date night) we ate dinner in and watched a rented movie. Afterwards we had a lovely romantic encounter with lots of kissing, caressing, and then a more than satisfying orgasm for me. This was wonderful and capped off a very pleasant evening in.

Mistress says: Meme now!

2006-12-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

My Lady told me to do this meme today, and so I shall.

6 weird things about me:

1. I often call things by their fully qualified titles, like "coca-cola classic" or "Dell Inspirion E1505" instead of "coke" or "the dell laptop over there."

2. I am an active helium conservationist.

3. I wake up happy, almost loopy, even in the middle of the night, even with a screaming headache, even on one hour sleep, and even when I only half wake up. I am always very pleasant to talk to and cuddly, although I'm rarely useful and I never remember anything the next morning.

4. I like funny commercials. I will stop the TiVo and rewind a commercial if I think it was funny.

5. I love food where every bite tastes like every other bite, and it tastes good (things like stews and chili and casserole, where the carrots taste like the beans taste like the beef taste like everything in the pot, or garbage omelets). To this extreme, I often mix food together on my plate to eat it. Some people think it is gross, but I never do anything so extreme as say, jello mixed with mashed potatoes.

6. I like chocolate milk, milk and dark and white chocolate chips and bars, chocolate brownies, and chocolate frosting. I cannot stand chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, or chocolate pudding.

There you have it.

There's nothing weird about me!

2006-12-04T10:25:00.000-08:00

Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Tagged by saratoga:
6 weird things about me:

1. I hate back rubs. They mostly hurt.

2. I have to sleep under a fan, even when it is really cold.

3. I'm a gigantic Stephen King fan, read everything he puts out.

4. I abhor drama. So much so that I think we get less readers than we could if I played the drama card. But I don't care. Drama sucks.

5. I feel more dominant when I wear black, when I wear a skirt, and when I wear boots.

6. I rarely cook on weekends. I hate to cook, in general. I do like to bake, though.

I don't tag, but if you feel like a meme, help yourself :)

Project time!

2006-12-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting for some paint to dry on one of our big renovation projects around here so I thought I would post again. This time the post will be on the topic of how my mistress and I negotiated this last week which was very busy.

At the beginning of the week, I scheduled out everything that needed to happen before today (today some professionals came in to do some work and we needed to be at a certain point for them to be able to do it). I had almost every spare minute of every day scheduled away to something, and starting from 6:30 in the morning and running until midnight each night, with a break on Friday. I also left Friday open to do anything I didn't finish during the week.

So all this week I worked my ass off on everything. I took few breaks, and one night my mistress was even around (she works evenings sometimes, and several this last week in particular) and she helped and we still didn't finish until midnight. The next morning, my schedule slipped as I took the kids to school allowing my mistress to sleep in.

Anyway, on Friday, we ended up pretty much on schedule, so the evening was free for us to do our normal chores and such, but my mistress knew how hard I worked all week and took over for me as a reward. She did most of my normal chores and just excused the rest, and we spent a long time sitting in front of the fireplace and then the TV just relaxing together. It was a very lovely evening and my mistress really showed me how much she appreciates me, which is one of the great parts of being her sub!

First urine play

2006-12-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

The other night my mistress and I were showering and she said she had to pee. I suggested she urinate on me, since we were in a rather good position to experiment with this particular fantasy of mine (and somewhat of ours, since we had discussed it somewhat before).

It didn't take too much time to decide we were going to try it. I was immediately hard and she was barely hesitant at all. I sat down in the shower beneath her and reclined so that she stood over me, and then she relieved herself onto my loins, stomach, and chest. I watched her as she did this, looking up on the lady who loves me and showered me now.

She is a beautiful woman, and as I lay under her, I felt very connected to her. She used to have a hard time urinating with me in the bedroom while she was in the adjoining bathroom, and now she is hovering over me, bent kneed and hips moving around, directing a stream at me as she pleases!

As I rose, still hard as ever, she embraced me (the shower rinsed me clean the moment she moved to allow me up) and I felt her whole body close to mine. She went back to cleaning herself and I went back to watching, though my penis remained hard the whole time. She noticed this, and applied a generous amount of sudsy soap to it, then stroked it a bit, and then turned around to show me her ass.

I placed my penis into her crack, as I do when we do "Buns." She gyrated a little bit (really, just barely a moment of rubbing) and brought me to climax. I let loose onto her lower back and then held her for a while again, close in the hot water. She turned around after a while and saw that I was still a bit hard.

I never thought urinating on me would be so arousing, but as far as erotic stimuli go, this was a really impressive aphrodisiac. I equate it to getting spanked and any other of the various non-orgasmic sexual practices we do; it is a wonderful, enjoyable, intimate act that embraces our relationship and is ridiculously arousing too!

Again, if anyone would like to comment on their own experiences with urination here, I encourage them to do so. I do enjoy hearing how other people, both like-minded and not, find particular activities in both a sexual and mental capacity. Thanks!

One more thing...

2006-11-27T16:15:00.000-08:00

Do you Livejournal?

I went ahead and created a livejournal account for networking purposes. If you like, you can add me (and pet will have access also).

lady_janon is the user name, the journal address, though inactive mostly, is http://lady_janon.livejournal.com

That is all :D

Thanksgiving

2006-11-27T11:05:00.000-08:00

I have so much to be thankful for.

My pet, my children, my life and my newfound path in that life. My work, my art.

And for this community, too. For Richard and Alexandra, Destiny and chance, saratoga, Lenora, Freya, Desireous, Darren and his Sir, Goddess Aradia and Goddess Isis (Holly) and all their boys on the board fd nyte and others, ruth's boy (even if he doesn't update NEARLY enough), Aspirint, Ford, my very favorite model Remmy, Swan and her clan, and many others with and without names that visit here and share their stories with us.

Without you all, we'd have been lost and alone in our journey. I'm very, very thankful for all of you. Have a fantastic holiday season filled with blessings and light. And kink, of course.

Trip Report Epilogue, Spanking - Ouch!

2006-11-25T20:31:00.000-08:00

On our trip, something interesting came up, or rather came to a head during one of our spanking sessions. My lady has been perfecting her spanking technique to cause maximum noise and sharp pain with any tool (except the aforementioned flogger). My reaction to this sharp pain is my reaction to any sharp pain, violent spasms and protective manuevers.

Allow me to equate it to something we all experience - the stubbed toe. Some people stub their toe and grab it and do the dance of pain. Other people stub it and just flinch and squeeze their arms and shoulders up really tight and breathe heavily. I am the former, and the same applies to any ass beating.

My lady told me that she has read several blogs about people who are like me, who crave the spanking but have a hard time with the pain. My lady has charged me to figure out how to not move, because she does not want to have to chase me all over the bed when she wants to spank me. I have to agree, and while the reactions are mostly involuntary, I do feel some greater degree of control as we have more sessions.

I would love it if anyone who shares our pain with this would offer some advice. We've tried restraints but I'm a big man and while they mostly immobilize me, I still have a lot of wiggle room and that leads to the same violent reactions of twisting and pulling and usually ends up in someone getting hurt or something getting broken. Thanks!

Trip Report 2 of 2

2006-11-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

We returned from our short excursion away from the children slightly poorer in money but richer in leather. Aside from the stylish purple leather whip-like keyring my lady now sports on her keys, we also have two large bags of scrap leather with which to experiment. My lady has complained numerous times that the flogger we have is little more than a backrubber, and would like something a little more "meaningful." This leather, already colored and cured, may do the trick, because the fake suede sure isn't.

The trip was lovely, and we returned to our daily lives with a renewed connection and sense of longing for more short excursions.

An Interlude

2006-11-20T15:18:00.000-08:00

I want to direct you to Darren's Sir, listed to the left as "The Other Hand".

Her most recent post is one I've been trying to write myself, but she did a better job.

Enjoy, and pet will have more updates soon as I head into the final week of my novel. Be well and kinky.

Trip report, first day.

2006-11-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

Mistress and I are on a lovely little vacation to a sweet spot, surrounded by nature and mountains and such. Upon arrival at our hotel, we disrobed and climbed into the bed. It was a wonderful bed with a pillowtop matress, a poofy comforter, and a half dozen pillows. The bed was so comfortable we decided to stay a while and cuddle.

After a little cuddling, my mistress took my hand and shoved it between her legs, commanding me to massage her pussy through her underwear. I did this eagerly and she quite enjoyed it. She had me fetch her vibrator and prepare it for her use, which I did quickly, and then she ushered me back under the covers to penetrate her with my finger while she vibrated away.

Only moments later she had a powerful orgasm, sending me backwards a bit. She then told me she was spoiling me as always and instructed me to put on a condom. I did all this while she turned over to her knees and elbows, presenting her back and glorious ass to me. I pressed my penis into her pussy while kissing her back and rubbing her neck and head a little.

I fucked her vigorously to her delight and then came in her, all the while making noise (but not too much noise). When I finished, I collapsed on her, and pulled the comforter back over us, and then continued on cuddling with her for a while. It was a wonderful first day!

A List

2006-11-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

I'm so very horny right now--and I'd love to use a more eloquent word than horny but all my good words are tied up in my novel right now. So horny it is.

I thought I might make a list of our toys, which aren't "hardcore" or anything, but we enjoy them!

Pet's favorite: The homemade flogger, with one inch falls. More like a back rub than anything.

My favorite: The enforcer, aka the leather crop that was never a riding crop but ooh the squealing noises I get when I use it *weg*

The rice paddle--a major sting, and this one can raise welts if I'm not careful. Sometimes I'm not careful on purpose.

The ping pong paddle--nice for me, pet is not generally in favor of it. The pebbly rubber makes cool red marks.

My bare hand--really, this can be as vicious as I want it to be, which is nice but sometimes my palms get sore and we can't have that, can we? Can't forget the fingernails, either, which I love to use to make patterns on pet's back.

An assortment of velcro fasteners--originally used to hold boxes together, they make great quickie restraints. I'm pretty sure there's a set hanging from my shower stall that I haven't removed yet. That was a great scene--pet hanging from the shower door, both hands restrained, while I went to town on his ass under a stream of water. Water makes a better sting, btw, and longer lasting red marks.

Rope--basic nylon rope, nothing fancy for now though I covet Twisted Monk's rope. Especially the purple dyes. I'm not too good with the rope yet, just your basic stuff, but someday when we have more time to experiment I hope to become well versed in rope bondage.

That list did not help the horny, not even a little. Sigh.

Tease, please!

2006-11-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

My lovely mistress loves to tease me. She loves to tease me even when she's not around. She does this by getting out her vibrator and masturbating while I'm away, and then leaves the vibrator out for me to find.

Sometimes it is more subtle, like the computer with all my home-made porn on it being on when I was pretty sure I had turned it off the night before. Another time she left all the towels out on the chair near the bed, with a nice butt-print where she got busy.

My lady loves to tease me, though it pains her too, because her masturbating means I'm not around enough. Whenever we are together and she feels like coming, she uses me for her fucktoy, a job which I love. Her resorting to the vibrator means we have been without intimate sex time for too long.

Of course sometimes it doesn't mean anything except "look what I did" and that's fine too. Sex is good and healthy and the more she masturbates, the better.

Sex again!

2006-11-04T19:16:00.000-08:00

Last night started out well, with some very aggressive foreplay and some very romantic exchanges. It progressed quickly from the car to the bedroom, where my mistress mounted me as our hands moved over each other's body. Everything was going well and my lovely lady asked if I was ready to enter her so she could use me as a dildo, one of her more frequented activities, and to my surprise, I found I was not fully erect, and losing stiffness fast.

That was a bit of a show-stopping moment, and it wouldn't have been so bad had it not also happened four days prior. Both times had various circumstances around them that could be contributing factors. Four days ago we had just made love two nights straight in a row after about a week and a half of nothing, making it the third night. This is probably the reason I failed to maintain an erection, I had just run out of steam. Last night came after I had played sports very hard at lunch two days ago and yesterday after almost a full month of almost no exercise at all, and my legs were still a little wobbly even. We have had experiences before where I'll play a sport for something like three or four hours and then, in spite of my energy and desire, can't get my body to pump enough into my groin to be of any use, or maintain it.

Even with my half-hard penis last night, my lady had me orgasm and assured me that there were no hard feelings and she wasn't upset or disappointed and that I shouldn't worry. I know it's strange that I can orgasm with a flacid penis, or maybe it's not. I haven't really surveyed anyone on this subject.

This morning we woke up well rested and horny again. We cuddled in bed for a bit, then I moved my hand between her legs. I massaged her lips without pressing in, just applying dull, methodic pressure to her loins. She was clearly enjoying herself and after a while longer, I did finally press between the folds of her vagina and began to work my fingers on her sensitive spots. This continued for a while, then she reached for her vibrator and had me move my fingers to penetrate her. I slipped one finger into her flooded vagina (it was wetter than I had seen it in a while) and soon another. I worked back and forth, pulsing and rubbing and all the while kissing her nipples and scratching her head. She came, and as she came, I found myself stiff as a board on her leg, pre-cumming. Her excitment and pleasure had aroused me, and so I mounted her and in the passion of the moment, fucked her as hard as I could before pulling out and cumming on her stomach.

We kissed a bit and then I cleaned her up. It was a wonderful way to start the morning (ED free, that's for me)!

No Pressure

2006-10-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

I've been working a lot lately on being extra nice and caring because she is getting prepared for some big projects and I want her to be as comfortable and concern free as she can be while she's doing it. It's going to take a big chunk of our cuddle time and together time away most likely, since nothing else can be taken away (most of that time is spent corraling the children). So to provide the no pressure environment, I have be extra careful not to be snarky, and to get her whatever she wants with no back talk, and to let love making happen when it happens, rather than try to schedule it or make it happen.

It's been about two weeks since I started and the result has been her calling me "weird" and asking me "what's wrong" a lot. I think it's working. She even said last night that I have been remarkably patient with our lack of intercourse, and again I reminded her that I want to relieve her of concern about non-totally essential things to help her focus on her project.

To that effect, she returned the behavior to me with a no-pressure fucking with a little foreplay, enough to get her dripping wet but not enough to get her ready for orgasm. I was all to willing to prepare her with backrubs and kisses, but she refused. She ordered me to take her from behind and to cum when I was ready. It took a little longer than I expected but still not very long. She felt really good and I wanted to savor her body while I could. I finished and then gave her ass a spattering of kisses before we rolled around into cuddle position again to fall asleep.

Kinky Dreaming

2006-10-28T20:15:00.000-07:00

I've had some pretty intense kinky sex daydreaming going on lately. I have been batting around the idea of my lovely domme urinating on me. We talked about it in jest for a while, now it's become something of intrigue and desire. My lovely lady was sitting on a stool and I lay below her, and I happened to notice that if she were to be pants-free, should could easily urinate all over my face from her position. This was totally arousing and I let her know that. I continued to daydream about it for a while longer.

I've seen porn shorts of urination and it's not much to watch, but then again, mainstream porn does lack the certain finesse that real sexual situations incur. At any rate, I hope to someday realize this daydream and discover how it feels to be in such a position.

Some non-sexual things.

2006-10-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

I you were a fly on our wall for a day, here is some of what you would see; these
are some of our more ritualistic things as of late:

I make coffee for her in the morning before she takes the kids to school.

I make hot tea for her as often as she likes, usually responding to her with "as
you wish."

I "do" her feet at night with a thick lotion and a foot massage.

I wish her good night with a special three-phrase (six if you count her
responses) dialogue every night, even when I'm out of town.

I clear the spot on the sofa between the two reclining sections so that I can
scootch over and be with her or she can lay on me with her head on my lap.

It's that time again, folks!

2006-10-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

That's right,

NaNoWriMo has reared its ugly head again, and I am a slave to its demands. Guess I do have a submissive side after all, heh.

Over the next five weeks I'll be very busy, caffeinated and addlebrained. I'll be here as often as I can, but I expect pet to pick up my slack.

Will this novel be smutty? Oh yes it will. Will there be D/s...dunno. That is much harder for me to write--way too personal.

Wish me luck for a second year win!

Note to Masochists

2006-10-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

Mine, anyway.

If you continually whine and complain about something (say, slapping), your dominant will stop doing it. If nothing else, the whining gets irritating after a few thousand times.

So if you like it, try to say THAT every once in a while.

Dom/mes need reassurance too, sometimes.